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Hi Sis Noe
MY boyfriend is younger than me and does not have money like me. I buy him clothes, take him on holidays and I even bought him a $600 Smartphone. What hurts me is that on my birthday he gave me a cheap bra, lip gloss and a teddy bear. Does he love me or is he using me? — Worried.
Reply
Don’t let your pride get in the way of you saying “enough”. These insulting gifts have to be the final straw. Surely you now see your boyfriend for the sponging chancer he really is? We all make mistakes and misjudge individuals in our lives — we get swept along by passion, attention and strong personalities. In the few years you have known this man, he has done nothing but take your money and do nothing for you in return. How insulting and rude. Hold your head high, admit that you have been naive and vow to rise again.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend is always looking at websites about relocating to countries such as America and England. Is he trying to go abroad without me? — Worried.
Reply
The Internet is a great tool for seeing what is out there and I suspect that many of us spend time looking at our options. It doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner is planning a new life, but if you are anxious you must gently ask him what it all means. If he is unhappy with your current situation, what can you do (as a couple) to improve that? Is he unhappy in general? Perhaps it would be exciting for both of you to plan a new life in a different location? Keep an open mind and just find out what he is thinking. It might not be bad news.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been going out with a woman for two years but she says she can’t see me anymore because she needs to study for her exams. She says she has to concentrate on her work. I told her that I can wait for her to finish her exams but she says she does not want to be disturbed. I have promised to keep my distance but she insists that she wants to be alone. — Worried.
Reply
Has it occurred to you that your girlfriend is trying to let you down gently? All this talk of essays and deadlines is her way of ending the relationship without actually saying so. Is she a coward? It is possible. But not everyone has it in them to be completely honest. Her studies and exams could be a contributing factor, but that is not really important. Her heart is no longer in this relationship and she craves her freedom. Accept it’s over and walk away with your head held high. Begging her not to leave you is not sensible or dignified. It’s sad and unfair, but you need to face reality.
Hi Sis Noe
I think I am allergic to sperm. I read it somewhere that such an allergy exists. I think I am because every time we use condoms with my husband, my vagina does not get itchy. — Worried.
Reply
Being allergic to semen is not uncommon. Many women have reported vaginal pain and inflammation after sex. I know it’s embarrassing, but do try and speak frankly to your doctor about the situation. Explain that you have been suffering and want to enjoy sex without after effects. If your doctor is not responsive or sympathetic, try to find another who is willing to take you seriously. Some couples find that using a condom is a good solution. Keep your partner fully informed of the situation so that he knows where he stands, too.
Hi Sis Noe
Many years ago, I started flirting with a man I worked with. I knew he was married with children, but things got out of hand and he eventually left his family for me. The problem is that I later dumped him. Now I am married but I fear that my husband will cheat on me, I am too possessive and this has created negative tension between us. How can I prevent this? — Frustrated.
Reply
It’s vital that you forgive your younger self and move on, because this guilty secret is stopping you from the very real business of living your life and appreciating your own family. Yes, you were selfish, but that was then and this is now. I suspect your ex-lover has gone on to have a new life and probably would not even recognise you in the street. Talk to your partner about your paranoid feelings and see how you can work through this together.
Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend spends most of her time at work but when she gets time to be with me all she wants is to have sex. If I turn her down she gets angry and accuses me of cheating. We stay at a flat in town and she tells me to leave her if I don’t enjoy our sex life. — Help.
Reply
Your girlfriend sounds like a very selfish individual — one who is in danger of crushing your confidence and making you doubt yourself. Maybe her job is tough, but that does not mean she has the right to storm in and demand sex. Just who does she think she is? I hate the idea of you wasting hours waiting for her — only for her to abuse you in your own bed. Do yourself a favour and move on before she rips the heart out of you. She doesn’t appreciate or respect you, so why should you continue to put up with her childish nonsense?
Hi Sis Noe
My new wife has unrealistic expectations. She wants us to buy a big house, a nice car and to send our children to expensive schools. When I point out that we don’t have the same income as her friends, she says I should find ways to make more money. She says I am lazy and an embarrassment. As a result our sex life is suffering .What can I do? — Worried.
Reply
Would it be an idea to sit down with your wife and go through all of your income and expenditure? I feel she needs to understand not only your financial position, but also that you are in this together. There is nothing to stop you from producing a plan of where you could like to be and what you could like to achieve down the line. Clearly she is impatient to get on, feather her nest and impress her friends — and good for her for having dreams — but the last thing you want to do is get into loads of debt then struggle to repay it.
Hi Sis Noe
I thought that watching porn would help spice up our love life, but I wish I had never started. Now I can’t resist the urge to check out various sites at home and work. I am now addicted and I even masturbate while watching every night before I sleep. Who can help me? — Addicted.
Reply
You are in the grip of a dangerous addiction. See your doctor and be scrupulously honest about your urge to visit porn sites and find out what help is available to you. Face up to this problem and don’t be ashamed. The more porn you watch, the more your brain is going to become desensitised. The pleasurable highs will be followed by guilt-laden lows.
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