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Hi Sis Noe
I don’t understand my girlfriend. When we are together she is shy and doesn’t talk much but when she is far from me she flirts with me on WhatsApp a lot. She also sends me her sexy pictures. — Confused
Reply
Your girlfriend feels a lot more confident in the privacy of her own bedroom with only a smartphone for company. There are people like that out there. The phone puts distance between you and she becomes emboldened. But that confidence deserts her in real life. Be honest and tell her that you find these mixed messages very confusing. My feeling is that she is a woman with hidden depths and longings. But if you don’t have the patience for her and just want someone who is straightforward, easy-going and friendly, then this is not the partner for you.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been having sex with this guy for a year now but he still insists that our relationship is still a no-strings attached affair. When we go out we pretend to be just friends. I don’t like this and I have told him but he doesn’t seem to care. How do I make him officially mine?
Reply
Every time your partner denies you, another little piece of your self-worth falls away. Whether he is conflicted, complicated or downright tricky, I don’t see how spending time in his company is doing your confidence any good. Talk to him again. How much more time does he need to decide whether you are the one? Is he quietly hoping that someone better will come along? It could be that he is thoroughly unpleasant and enjoys being controlling. If he really won’t give you the commitment you crave, maybe you should show him the door and reclaim your life.
Hi Sis Noe
I want to have a second baby, but my husband is not interested. He says we are not yet financially stable to have another child. He also says that while I was breastfeeding I did not give him enough sex so he doesn’t want to experience that again. I want another baby. Help
Reply
This is something that you have to keep talking about or it could easily sour your marriage and come between you. Your partner has just recovered from the negative treatment he underwent when you were breastfeeding and he is worried that the sex he is enjoying will be taken away from him again. He is also right to be concerned about your finances. If they are not in order then you should wait a little longer before you try to have another baby. I know having one child doesn’t feel like it’s enough, but a lot of people would consider you lucky to already have one child and a supportive partner.
Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend’s ex has moved a few houses down from where she stays and they have started seeing each other. She insists that they are just friends and that nothing will ever happen between them. I told her I don’t want her to befriend him and she said I was being unreasonable, they are just friends. I want to tell the guy to stay away from my girlfriend. — Worried
Reply
You have to be worried. Any of us would feel vulnerable on discovering a partner’s ex-lover had moved in near them and that they were back in contact again. You are only human and you are protecting your position. Of course your girlfriend is entitled to have her own friends, but ask her to see things from your point of view, too. How would she like it if an old flame of yours suddenly started hanging around? As with all things, there has to be compromise and understanding. I don’t recommend telling the guy to stay away; your girlfriend should stay away from the guy. She should tell him that she is with you.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband’s small house sent me a WhatsApp picture of them naked together. I confronted my husband about it and he confessed and apologised for the affair. I have forgiven him, but I cannot have sex with him. I am always tormented by that picture. How do I move on?
Reply
I am sorry that your husband cheated on you. I know you are in pain and I understand your decision to deny him sex. Before things fall into place again, there are a huge number of issues that still need to be discussed. Has your husband explained to you why he felt tempted to cheat in the first place? And why was it his girlfriend, and not him, who finally blew the whistle? You are not a machine; you have been hurt and humiliated and can’t automatically turn the passion and sexual desire back on again. Talk away from the bedroom and consider counselling. Do you believe that your man can be trusted in future and that the marriage is worth saving? If you believe the marriage can be salvaged then it’s not too late.
Hi Sis Noe
I just discovered that my friend’s husband is bisexual. He also sleeps with men. Should I tell my friend?
Reply
I think you should walk away and mind your own business. Yes, it does seem hypocritical of your friend’s husband to behave in this way, but you have absolutely no way of knowing what goes on behind closed doors. She could be fully aware of his bisexuality and has chosen to turn a blind eye. If you humiliate or embarrass her, she may turn on you and never speak to you again. Your friendship will suffer as a result. Let her find out for herself. Such things have a way of coming out, they don’t stay hidden forever.
Hi Sis Noe
I had cancer but now I am OK. The problem is that I last had sex five years ago with my wife. When I try to touch her she refuses to be touched. We once had a fight and she told me that her ex-boyfriend was a better lover than me and that I have never satisfied her. I am only 43 and I want to have sex again. I am thinking of cheating on her.
Reply
You cannot allow another year to pass without talking to your partner about this matter. She needs to hear everything you have outlined to me. What does she mean her ex was a better lover? Does she realise how insensitive a statement that is? She should not refuse to have sex with you, it is your right. If she was turned off by your sickness then it means she has broken her wedding vows — that is if you had a wedding. Ultimately, if she is not willing to meet you halfway, you have to decide if this is the kind of life you wish to live.
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