Some characteristics of strong families

Kilton Moyo

If you look at things from a biblical perspective you will notice that the devil attacks relentlessly, four very important things God gave to humanity for His own purposes. He attacks marriage, family, church and our sexuality.

If he could cause us to be so negative about these things, then he can do what he wants with us. If you are observant enough you will notice how negative this generation is about these four issues. This is the reason why, I will continue to write on these and encourage this generation in valuing these the way God intended. Today I want us to look at some characteristics of strong families in the face of an onslaught on this divine institution. I think we must understand that there will never be a substitute for your family. We all have a great responsibility over our families.

Friends, gangs, clubs, church and many others can not take away the value and purpose of the family to each and every human being. What do strong families do or look like?

Family members show a strong commitment to the family. They all believe in the value of the family and consider it a priority in their lives. Nothing takes the place of the family. Both parents and children fight and defend the family and will not allow anything to come in between them. It is an unfortunate thing that these days you find people who deliberately work against their families. You find people who are so selfish they would rather have the family destroyed for the sake of their pleasures or mischief. Strong families know how to stand together in storms.

They protect each other and stand up for each other. Children do not let their friends take them away from their families. If you have a friend who rubbishes your family and wants to turn you against your family, run away from them. They are a devil’s agent. You do not value your family by its economic status. Family is family whether poor or rich. Your love for each other is unconditional.

Strong families spend time together. They will always find time to be together no matter how busy they think they are. It is important for families to take time out together even if there is not much to do. Just coming together and fellowshipping at family level is important. The challenge these days is that we are engaged in too much activity at the expense of the family. This is where deception lies. We are busy bodies and value secondary things at the expense of primary issues. Do not allow your business, church activities, ministry activities; friends, sports and career take your love for your family. Family time is important time. I always say that you play together as a family and pray together. It is good to pray together at church as believers but it is even better praying together at home as a family.

We need to be wise as a people and not allow the devil to cheat us and make us vulnerable. You are better off in your family than anywhere else.

Strong families practice good communication. They are able to communicate issues at all levels. They do not hide anything from each other. Their social communication is alive. They have well communicated functions and structures and everyone knows what is expected of them. There are no assumptions or guess-work. Lines of communication are clear and every member is worthy and has value and is listened to. Their style of communication increases intimacy in the family. Most families struggle in this important area and cause a lot of divisions therefore.

Most of our conflicts in the family are a result of poor communication. Strong families will teach each other how to communicate clearly and how to obey instructions and the line of communication. Good communication promotes team work in the family.

Strong families show great appreciation and affection for each other. They will intentionally express appreciation for each other as family members. They praise and encourage each other. They do not dwell on weaknesses but on those strengths so they can build strong individuals out of each other. The family is a place of magnifying the good in us so we can become who we are supposed to be. Unfortunately many families dwell on weaknesses and wrongs and end up dysfunctional. Strong families will also show sound spiritual commitment and encourage each other to grow and mature spiritually.

Strong families solve problems and face up to their crisis as a team. They have this ability to solve their issues. They do not pile things and build grudges. They face up to issues on the spot and deal with issues just like that. They know how to separate issues from people. A problem is a problem and no person is a problem. They are winners all the time. They do not blame but face up the issue and defeat it together. Now this is maturity. This kind lacks in many families. Once there is a problem, people begin to attack each other and destroy the family. Every crisis that comes your way must leave you strong and more united than divided. This is what strong families will do. They do not unnecessarily broadcast their problems. They are kept internal and dealt with internally. This is wisdom. They will only seek outside help when necessary and from sound sources. Outside help is sought to boost the internal system.

I think that we all have choices to make as far as our families are concerned. The Bible teaches us in Ephesians 5 about four basics of strong families. Wives submitting to their husbands as unto the Lord. Husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. Chapter 6 of Ephesians continues by teaching that children should obey their parents in the Lord for this is right. It calls on children to honour their father and mother. It goes on to say something special to fathers concerning their children. “And, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” This is what strong families will seek to achieve and to be. They seek to promote submission, sacrificial love for each other, obedience, and godly nurturing of children.

I believe we have a great opportunity in this generation in Africa to build strong families that will glorify God. Let us all desire and work to leave behind a legacy of strong godly families.

Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment program and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or WhatsApp on +263775337 207, +263772610103 or [email protected] gmail.com