Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
I have been married for 20 years, but happiness has never truly been part of it.
My wife is stubborn, and almost every day she finds something to spark an argument.
We have four children together, and for years I hoped time would soften her ways. Instead, things have only grown worse.
She is a housewife, and I shoulder all the financial responsibilities, yet my efforts go unnoticed and unappreciated. The constant conflict has drained me, and now I find myself standing on the edge of divorce.
Tete Joyie Says:
That sounds incredibly heavy to carry for so long. 20 years of feeling unappreciated and constantly in conflict can take a real toll, especially when you have been providing for your family, and hoping things would improve. It makes sense that you are at a breaking point.
Divorce is a life changing decision, and with four children involved, it is even more complex. Before you take that step, it might help to think through a few angles:
Impact on the kids: Children often feel the effects of divorce deeply, but they also feel the effects of constant conflict. Sometimes separation can bring more peace than staying together.
Communication attempts: Have you tried structured approaches like counselling or mediation? Sometimes a neutral third party can break patterns of stubbornness and argument.
•Your own well being: Living in a constant state of tension isn’t sustainable. You deserve peace and respect, whether inside or outside the marriage.
Practical considerations: Divorce involves financial, legal, and emotional logistics. Planning ahead can make the process less chaotic.
I am not here to tell you what to do, but I can help you think through the consequences and possible paths forward. For example, some people find that setting clear boundaries or seeking professional mediation changes the dynamic, while others realise separation is the healthier choice.
*******************
One night stand, lifelong regret
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am a single mother who has been in a relationship for five years. This year, we were planning to get married. But recently, I noticed my partner was deeply troubled. When I asked what was wrong, he confessed something that shattered me. He admitted to a one-night stand last year.
The woman told him she was 20, but her family now claims she is only 16. He is terrified of going to prison for being with a minor. I am devastated. The man I thought I would spend my life with may be taken away — either through jail or being forced into marriage with the girl. My dreams of a future with him are collapsing, and I don’t know how to cope with this pain.
Tete Joyie Says: –
I understand that this situation is incredibly difficult and emotionally challenging for you. Discovering such news can be heart-breaking, especially when you were planning to get married. Here are some steps you might consider taking:
1. Self-care and emotional support:
Take care of yourself during this stressful time. Reach out to friends, family, or a counsellor to share your feelings and seek emotional support.
Allow yourself to process the shock and sadness. It’s okay to feel hurt and betrayed.
2. Communication with him:
Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Express your feelings and concerns without judgment.
Ask him about his intentions moving forward. Does he plan to take responsibility for the situation? Is he willing to support the child if it’s his?
3. Legal considerations:
Understand the legal implications. If the girl is indeed underage, there may be legal consequences for your partner.
Encourage him to consult with a lawyer to understand his rights and responsibilities. Legal advice is crucial in this situation.
4. Assess your relationship:
Reflect on your relationship. Consider whether you can move past this betrayal and whether you still want to marry him.
Trust is essential in any partnership. Evaluate whether you can rebuild trust after this revelation.
5. Seek professional guidance:
Consider couples counselling or individual therapy. A professional can help you navigate your emotions and guide you through making decisions.
Remember that you deserve happiness and a healthy relationship.
6. Support for the child:
If the girl is indeed pregnant, she will need support. Encourage your partner to be responsible and involved.
Regardless of your relationship with him, the child’s well-being should be a priority.
7. Take time to decide:
You don’t need to make immediate decisions. Take time to process everything.
Remember that you are not alone in this. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Ultimately, prioritise your well-being and make choices that align with your values and happiness.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
