adminCan you help me please, I am getting myself all upset and my boyfriend confirmed this, but I don’t think he is being reasonable. We have been together for three years, I am 22 and he is 24, and we are really happy. He says he doesn’t see the reason for us to get married, at least not yet, because of the expense, etc. He says we should just enjoy ourselves at the moment having fun without responsibilities.
I want a baby – my mother died when I was nine and I suppose I just want to have my own family, but my boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand this. He says we should have fun first, but I don’t understand why, as we love each other we can’t start now.
We do want to be together and I know he wants children too, and I feel that if he really loved me he would understand that this is important to me.
Response
Gosh, this is a bit of a first for me – I am totally with your boyfriend on this one!
I understand that losing a parent so young is devastating and will have affected you. You have dealt with this loss, and have grown to be a warm and loving individual who I am sure your mother would be proud of.
I can also understand the rather romantic notion that having a family is attractive, and might give you the security you clearly feel you need; but I do urge you to see the downsides.
Having a child so young and in an uncommitted relationship – especially without the 100 percent support of your partner would be a disaster. I don’t wish to patronise you – but you must know how difficult, expensive and tiring babies are – and that together with the loss of freedom – which your boyfriend will resent would make the whole thing a horror story.
I beg you to reconsider, put this idea on the backburner and just get on with being young, and enjoying all that it brings.
All too soon you’ll be up to your eyes in nappies and commitment and you will be able to look back and be grateful for having had a life before that one!
Online Reporter