Support your child

For the Parents

SOME parents struggle to adjust to the demands of teenagers as they are growing up. It’s a torrid time to adjust and meet the teenage demands. Your child needs you at this time just as much as they have always needed you, but in a different way.

There’s no doubt that the teenage years will probably cause you some worry and frustration. There may be times when you feel as if you don’t know your child, or are disappointed by some of their choices.

Try to be as loving and supportive as you can through all of their trials, no matter how small they are. If you can do this, they’re more likely to rely on you, share their struggles and come to you when they need help.

They are looking to you for support through one of the biggest changes in their life, towards adulthood and independence.

You’ve been through it so you know how confusing and difficult it can be. Don’t be afraid to share some of your own teenage experiences with your child.

Tell them that you understand because it happened to you too. Talk to them about how you handled it (or didn’t handle it) and what you learnt from it. Realising that everyone goes through the same struggles can be very reassuring to your child, especially if it’s their parent that is telling their stories.

Your child is becoming an independent person. They need a firm foundation of values and expectations that can guide them now and carry them into adult life. Decide what’s important to your family and how you’ll share those expectations and values with your child. That way they’ll have the knowledge to help them navigate life on their own and make decisions that fit with what the family values.

Be there for them in the way that you would have wanted your parent to be there for you when you were growing up. When they are participating in any sporting event or competition be there to support them. Attend Consultation days and be supportive. When they are graduating be there. When your child has been nominated as a perfect, be there on the coronation. Always be there for your child. It’s better to take an off day from work.

Some parents prefer to support relatives at the expense of their own biological children. This is not good. Know your child’s birthday and surprise them on this special day. Take your children out, spoil them if the resources are permitting. Find family time. This is important. Money might not be enough, time might not permit, but try to accommodate your family.

Remember when you die, these are the people who will miss you more than anyone else. So try to budget adequate time for your children.

Pay fees for your child. It disturbs a child to be expelled from class because of non-payment of fees. When there’s a trip at school, if resources permit, pay for the child. That exposure is important. The whole class might be going for that trip to Victoria Falls and only your child will be remaining. That destroys the child self-esteem.

When the child is at the university or college, support the child. Let the child feel comfortable in the midst of other children. For the girl child, provide for her needs eg hair doing, lotion, perfume etc. Vaseline is good but lotion would be ideal for our children.

NB* However, let’s not spoil our children or over provide.

Let your children hear you talk positively about their achievements and hobbies.

Some parents don’t talk to their children and dismiss everything that they are told by their children. This is not right. Communicate, share experiences and laugh with your children. Find ways to show your children that you love them.

Say positive things to your child. Some parents always shout at their children using vulgar or strong words which is not good. When your child has made a mistake or done something wrong, remind them that you still love them.

Why is having a supportive parent so important for teenagers?

The influence that you have over your child is more dependent on a trusting relationship than it is on how much authority you dish out and how many lectures you give. It may feel like they’re trying to push you away, but they’re actually trying to push themselves away from you to choose a direction in life, and to shape an identity for themselves as a separate, independent person.

Love, support, trust and optimism from their family make them feel safe and secure, and are powerful weapons against peer pressure, life’s challenges and disappointments.

Always seek God’s guidance and wisdom to lead your family.

Dr Manners Msongelwa
+263 771 019 392
Author/Youth Coach / Teach