Online Reporter
Hallo Tete Joyie:
I am cheating on my boyfriend with a man twice my age. I am 17, he is 37, and used to go out with my friend. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He is also 17. The cheating began with messaging and exchanging pictures. We always had lots to say to one another. Then it became sexual. I don’t know why I am doing this. I love my boyfriend and don’t want to lose him. I never thought I would become a cheat. I feel guilty because I have to lie when my boyfriend wants to see me and I have arranged to see my older lover.
Tete Joyie Says:
Thank youfor being so open. It takes courage to speak honestly about something this complicated and emotionally charged. You are clearly wrestling with guilty, confusion, and a desire to understand your own actions. Let us take a breath and look at this with care and compassion.
What might be going on emotionally
Conflicting desires: You say you love your boyfriend, yet you are drawn to someone else. That does not make you a bad person, it means something deeper is unresolved. Validation and attention: The older man may be offering emotional intensity, flattery, or a sense of maturity that feels exciting or affirming.
Guilty and secrecy: Lying to someone you care about creates emotional strain. That guilty is your conscience trying to guide you back to alignment with your values.
A very important note
You are 17,and the man you are involved with is 37. That is a major age gap, and it raises serious concerns about power imbalance and emotional safety. Relationships like this can be manipulative even if they feel consensual. If he previously dated your friend, that adds another layer of complexity and potential exploitation.
You deserve relationships that are safe, respectful, and age-appropriate.
What you can do now?
Pause and reflect: Ask yourself: What am I truly seeking from this older man? Is it love, escape, validation, or something else?
Protect your boyfriend’s dignity and your own: If you truly love him, honesty is essential. Continuing to lie will only deepen the pain for both of you. End the affair: This relationship with the older man is not healthy or sustainable. You deserve love that’s built on mutual respect, not secrecy and imbalance. Seek support: You don’t have to navigate this alone. A counsellor, therapist, or even a trusted teacher or family member can help you sort through your feelings and make safe choices.
Final Thought
You are not defined by your mistakes. You are defined by how you grow from them. This moment can be a turning point not just in your relationships, but in how you care for yourself and others. You deserve love that lifts you up, not one that pulls you into shadows.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
