Tete is a nuisance

I need a new living space

Hello Amai. I am a married woman and my living setup is less than ideal. I live in the same house with my husband’s elder brother and his wife. We share the house and have tried to make it work; sharing things such as the kitchen and the like.

Recently Tete moved in. We were informed that it would be for a short period, but it has proven to be more than that. Her husband works out of town. She does not help us clean and manipulates her brothers, telling them lies about us. She even informs my in-laws of the goings-on in our house. I get along great with my Maiguru and all was well before Tete arrived. Recently, I walked in on her crying and she indicated that this arrangement was getting to her. My mother-in-law stated that she would not stand to see her family divided nevaroora, so it makes it scary to suggest switching things up. Please help.

Response

Hello writer and thanks for getting in touch. The situation you described is less than ideal. There needs to be a bit of space between all of you so you can go about your business. My advice is that you look for a smaller place and be able to focus on yourselves.

Inform your hubby how sharing quarters with his family members is getting to you. He must be able to make decisions independent of his family. Tete is a troublemaker and the best solution would be to leave her in this house and try and plot your own course. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Do not let your in-laws ruin what you and your husband have going on. Be firm and try to convince your hubby.

Heartbroken and betrayed

I am a 37-year-old man and I have been married for 13 years. Recently, I found out that the last-born is not mine and belongs to another man whom my wife has been dating for the past three years. I love my wife, but I cannot accept how she lied to me and kept it a secret. I used to suspect that she was cheating, but I did not have any evidence. She wanted to leave me. I would have been heartbroken had she left without finding out this awful truth. So, honestly, how can I continue to stay with someone who did this to me?

Response

Let me start by saying I am sorry you found out this way. Issues such as these put many things into question. You may have to take the entire family for DNA tests. Infidelity is wrong. What makes it worse is that an innocent child was been brought into this mess; one you have cared for and loved for since childbirth.

You should get the authorities involved and report him. No one is above the law. Adultery is a serious crime. Furthermore, he must be ordered to pay maintenance. Whether you decide to stay with your wife or not is up to you. I recommend counselling so you make an informed decision, and you do so in a manner that will not bring further pain into your future. I am sorry that such a terrible fate has befallen you. You must remain strong. As for the welfare of this child, there are so many questions around it. I will try to get you in touch with an organisation that focuses on helping children who find themselves in a similar predicament. Stay strong; It shall be well.

***

Tete is a nuisance

I hope I find you well Amai. I am a middle-aged woman married to a great guy. We have a three-year-old and have been unlucky when it comes to maids. The kind I have attracted leave a lot to be desired. To deal with this, my hubby suggested that we take his sister in. She did not do well at Ordinary Level. She was to assist us until we get someone reasonable.

Amai, I tell you since this girl set foot in our home, we have no peace. My mother-in-law is complaining about how we treat this girl. Last month, she sent a text to tell us that we should take half of the money from her grocery allocation and give it to Tete. From it, Tete would in turn buy eats for herself because we are starving her. I am the one who sends money to both our parents every month-end, I just do not understand what she is up to. Tete cooks and eats whatever she wants; and to top it up, she is wasteful.

They are really pushing me against the wall. The worst bit is that my mother-in-law now asks why we are not giving her a salary since her duties are equivalent to those of a maid. My husband does not want me to send Tete packing because he is scared of his mum. I am deeply hurt. Please advise.

Response

I am sorry you have been unlucky when it comes to looking for helpers. Like any industry, selection and recruitment is not a breeze. Right off the bat, I get your dismay for Tete. You referred to her as “this girl”, which I find to be rather alarming. Your husband thought he could solve the problem by getting his sister to help. It was worth a try and this clearly has failed.

At times, family and business do not mix. You need to treat this as a business decision. It is bad for his mother to get involved in matters that do not concern her. I think you are right, you should send Tete away to keep the peace. If your hubby is scared and you have the funds, why not send her away to school to redo her Ordinary Level.

You kill two birds with one stone. In future, try and maintain healthy space between your household and the rest of the family. Things tend to work out better that way. As for Tete, her brother should help you in reprimanding her. He is setting a bad example as an older sibling. Making her assist for no compensation was not a good idea. She is entitled to feel that you are not respecting her worth. Try and end this situation before it gets worse.

◆ Write to [email protected]. Whatsapp 0771415747.