Tete Joyie

The lonely life of a beautiful woman

Hallo Tete Joyie:

I AM a young woman aged 28. I am educated and have a stable income. I come from a good family and background. My issue is that I have had about three boyfriends since I started dating at 21, but none of them have shown seriousness to the relationship. We would break up and they would go and marry someone else. The other issue is that I have never been spoilt by these men, even simple things like getting money for a hair-do, nails or even a lunch date. I want to know where I am getting it wrong. I am respectful, hardworking and beautiful. I have a nice body. I don’t see the difference between me and any of the other girls out there who have men doing things for them. Or is it I am not showing that I am ready for marriage. I am afraid that I will become like some of my cousins who are in their late 30s and unmarried and do not even have stable relationships.

Tete Joyie Says:

I hear you, and I can tell this is weighing on you. First, let me say there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your qualities, your beauty, intelligence, hard work, and respectful nature are incredible. The fact that you have not been in a relationship where a man has actively shown his commitment in the ways you desire does not mean you are doing something wrong. It means you have not yet found the right person who values you the way you deserve.

Relationships are complex, and people commit for different reasons. Some men may be looking for something specific that is not about worth but rather timing, personal readiness, or their own preferences in a partner. Others may not have been serious to begin with, and that reflects on them, not on you.

When it comes to being “spoilt” it is understandable to want gestures of care, whether financial or romantic. But some people might not express love in that way. Perhaps those men did not view generosity as part of their love language, or perhaps they did not feel deeply enough about the relationship to show that level of care. That is not a reflection on your worth, it just means they were not the right match for what you need.

As for marriage, are you showing that you are ready? Maybe the question is not whether you are ready, but whether the right person has shown up yet. Instead of focusing on what has not happened yet, think about what kind of relationship you truly want. Someone who spoils you? Someone deeply committed? Someone whose values align with yours? When you clarify your desires, you will naturally attract and recognise the right partner.

And listen do not let fear drive your choices. Being single at 30, 35, or even beyond is not a failure. It’s better to be unmarried than to settle into a relationship that is not fulfilling. Trust that the right person will come, and in the meantime, focus on living and loving yourself fully. You have so much to offer, and the right person will see that.

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From classmates to heartbeats

Hallo Tete Joyie:

I am a man aged 27, and I am friends with a girl of the same age. We have been friends since high school. I can safely say she is my best friend. She understands me, and I can rely on her on most things. We have been in relationships, but they seem not to work out for both of us. Beginning of this year, I started having feelings for my best friend I want to her to be my wife, and I see myself spending the rest of our lives together. The problem here is how do I tell her that I am in love with her? Will this not end our friendship. We are both currently not dating anyone. Help me before someone takes her away from me.

Tete Joyie Says:
This is a beautiful and significant moment in your life! Your friendship has been a strong foundation, and the fact that you see her as someone you want to spend your life forever with speaks volumes. The fear of losing the friendship is understandable, but taking this step could also lead to something deeper and more fulfilling.

Here is how you can approach it:
1. Gauge her feelings — You already have a strong connection. Have there been any signs that she might feel the same way? Subtle things like her enjoying your company more than usual, lingering moments, or deeper conversations about relationships might be hints.

2. Express appreciation first — Before confessing your feelings, acknowledge how much you value the friendship. Let her know how much she means to you and that your bond is something you treasure, regardless of what happens next.

3. Be honest and sincere — You don’t have to make it overly dramatic or complicated. A simple but heartfelt conversation could be enough. You could say something like, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I realize that my feelings for you have grown into something more. You are so special to me, and I see a future with you. I want to know how you feel.”

4. Give her space — This may come as a surprise to her, even if she has similar feelings. Allow her to process it, and reassure her that you value the friendship no matter what.

5. Prepare for any outcome — Ideally, she feels the same, and you embark on a new journey together. However, if she isn’t ready or doesn’t feel the same way, remind her that your friendship is still something you cherish.

Taking this step could be the beginning of something incredible. Or, even if it does not turn romantic, your friendship could remain strong. But not expressing your feelings might lead to regret, especially if someone else steps in.

You have built a foundation of trust lean into that, and be courageous.

If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.