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Laina Makuzha, LOVE by DESIGN
The absence of fathers in the lives of their sons appears to have become a crisis of epic proportions, with far-reaching consequences that affect not only individuals but also communities and society at large.
Last week, we explored the impact of childhood traumas in general, on adulthood and relationships.
This week, we delve more into the critical role of fathers in their sons’ upbringing and the challenges that arise when that role is absent or neglected.
Recent press reports and celebrity testimonies highlight the gravity of this issue.
For instance, in an interview with Oprah Winfrey, actor Idris Elba spoke about the emotional scars he carried from his father’s absence during his childhood.
Gospel musician Kirk Franklin has shared on various platforms, some of the deep wounds and pain he endured from abandonment though his case was different from most.
The longing for a father’s love and guidance is something many continue to experience in their adulthood even while trying to also figure out how to love and be loved by those around them.
With 20 Grammy Awards to his name and 22 GMA Dove Awards in addition to Soul Train Music Awards, Stellar Awards and BET Awards, Gospel music icon Kirk Franklin said this in his song “Somebody’s son: ‘I’d give up every trophy that I’ve won just to be somebody’s son’.” The rest of the lyrics of that song best describe what can go on in the life of a child growing up without parental love.
Similarly, a report by the UK’s Office for National Statistics found that children from fatherless homes are more likely to experience poverty, educational difficulties, and various mental health issues.
Countless authors and pastors have also weighed in on this topic. According to Pastor Mensa Otabil: “The absence of fathers is a major contributor to the breakdown of society.”
Similarly, author and speaker, Myles Munroe, noted that: “The father is the spiritual head of the family, and his absence creates a spiritual vacuum that can have devastating consequences.”
The Bible emphasises the importance of fatherhood, with Ephesians 6:4 urging fathers to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
However, when fathers are absent or uninvolved, sons often struggle with identity, self-worth, and relationships.
So, what can be done to address this crisis? Firstly, fathers who have been absent or uninvolved just need to do better, starting with taking responsibility for their actions and seeking to make amends, with proper consultations with all involved.
In some cases, this may involve seeking professional help especially if there’s contention or animosity, such as counselling or therapy, to work through their own issues as well as develop healthy relationships with their sons.
Sons who have grown up without fatherly love need support as well as being pro-active themselves, in seeking healing and support, so as to end the cycle of pain and broken relationships.
They would need to recognise that they have certain challenges, which are however, NOT impossible to resolve with the right support systems.
Whatever you chose to do, stay positive and also consider these suggestions:
- Desisting from self-blame or blaming the world
- Seeking mentorship from positive male role models
- Joining support groups or therapy sessions
- Practicing self-care and self-compassion
- Forgiving and letting go of past hurts
Furthermore, fathers in society who have a positive influence, and spiritual leaders such as pastors, bishops, apostles and such — can identify fellow men who need mentoring and direction and take them under their wing.
I’ve followed with much interest the work that various organisations including MVPV, Joshua Generation, PaDare/Enkundleni and others are doing to provide support for men.
These efforts can go a long way in breaking the cycle of absenteeism, broken families and create a ripple effect of healing and restoration, in communities, churches and society at large.
Remember, healing is possible, and it starts with acknowledging the father factor and seeking to make things right.
Let us work together to create a society where every son can grow up with the love, support, and guidance of a positive father figure and be great husbands, fathers themselves when it’s their turn to take the baton.
I applaud readers who have been sending feedback on our topics, your views are invaluable, and we encourage further input on this critical issue.
By sharing our experiences and ideas, we can find better solutions to the challenges we face in families.
It’s all part of spreading the love.
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