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Melissa Chekwa
Nothing breaks down a person more than being abused by someone they love and consider as their safe haven.
As ignorance would have it, some are not totally aware of the impact and pain they are inflicting on their spouses in the name of getting “conjugal rights”. It’s even more disheartening when there is nothing the victims can do because they fear they will lose their breadwinner.
Marital rape is almost an everyday adversity that some people, both women and men, have to go through knowingly and unknowingly.
B-Metro took to the streets and talked to both males and females on what they thought about the concept of marital rape and the answers were a bit interesting.
Most of the people interviewed were of the view that as long as one is married, sex is a yes no matter how the other feels about it.
“As long as I have paid lobola for her, then why should I not be allowed to have sex with her? She is now mine,” said one Zibusiso Sibanda.
Sibanda was not done, he dismissed the concept of marital rape as “unrealistic”.
“Indoda mele ingene lapha eyaphuma khona nomakanjani, (I am entitled to sex anytime). Why change things now,” he emphasised.
That said, at times spouses are not ready to give themselves because of underlying factors like fatigue, menstrual cycles, lack of mood, sickness and other factors. But this did not register to Sibanda.
Norman Ndlovu said unrealistic marital rape laws that were passed are the ones that promote promiscuity and adultery in marriages.
“When I am denied sex of course I will go look for it elsewhere and when it comes to that I will be accused of cheating. What should I do then? Because I am trying to respect her decision (not to have sex) by going out I am further blamed,” said Ndlovu.
However, women had a different tale to tell.
“It’s really complicated. A man will always argue that it’s his right even if I don’t want to engage with him. So even when he rapes me, it’s hard to go and report because my family will discourage me and say I wasn’t supposed to deny him his right in the first place. At the end of the day its hard reporting such cases when even your family can’t back you up,” said Marylyn Moyo.
Another female, Nokuthula Moyo said most women are not really informed that they can stand against this abuse.
“So they are usually quick to involve other people in their issues rather than talk to their spouses and seek solutions to their problems,” said Moyo.
Legally, as long as it is unconsented sex then it is classified as rape if it’s orchestrated by man and if it’s orchestrated by women it’s called indecent aggravated assault.
The Ecumenical Church Leaders Forum held a dialogue last week and Vuyo Mpofu a legal practitioner shed light on marital rape and its implications.
“It’s not only men that are capable of raping their wives, but the wives are also capable by doing everything they can in the book to erect their husband’s penis and have sex with them without their consent,” said Mpofu.
He highlighted that conviction of such cases can’t be less than 15 years.
The Ministry of Women recorded that about 98 cases of domestic violence were dropped at the Tredgold Magistrate’s court because the women claimed they couldn’t survive without their breadwinners.
Victims were urged to bring the perpetrators to book so that they account for their crimes.
Online Reporter