The topic we would rather avoid

Zach Aldwin Milkshake in the boardroom
Allow me to tell you about one of the worst experiences of my life. It was the night a few years back that I got pranked by a group of my friends. I got home after a long day running a course with a group of teenagers, I parked my car, loaded my arms with a pile of files and headed to my front door.
Unbeknown to me this group had managed to get my maid on the deal and she had let them into the yard. I hear a voice yell and look up to see a figure clad in black and a balaclava appear from round the corner.

Wanting to get away from the threat and minimise the chance of someone getting my keys and into my house I turn to run. Only I am confronted by a second figure pointing a gun.

This is no gang-star movie type grip on the gun, it is the solid stance of someone who has military experience. All this took seconds. I would like to say that I reacted swiftly, dived to the left, pulled out a knife from my ankle holster and “ninja’d” the guy into submission.

Sadly I was unarmed, was laden with files and trapped. The little part of my brain governed by primal fear took over; I dropped the files, hit the ground and screamed for help as loudly as I could in the hope that the neighbours might hear and waited for the inevitable bullet.

It was a miracle my pants stayed dry. Instead I was greeted by mirth and laughter, a half-baked apology, and told they had brought some Coke round for a drink . . . as though Coke was going to solve anything at that point. I didn’t sleep properly for a week.

The only positive out of the whole event was that I rethought my arrival policy and that when, two months later, I was genuinely followed home by a vehicle I was able to take evasive action and get to a police station.

We have all had them, experiences that leave a sick feeling in the pit of our stomach. Not all of them are pranks that have gone too far either.
Theft, car-jacking, betrayal by a business partner or employee, business failure, being made redundant; the list just goes on and on.

And no amount of Coke, coffee or anything stronger is going to make the problem go away. How do you recover from a traumatic event and have the guts to go forwards with life?

Lost a business, how do you get the point where you can try again?
Lost your job, how do you find a sense of purpose once more?

Humans are tremendously resilient. Given the right support we can bounce back from nearly everything and move forward. I have met people paralysed from spinal cord injuries who are probably more positive about their future than most men with normal functioning limbs.

Much has been written about recovery from traumatic experiences in other media. The descriptions vary but they agree on a couple of points.
Firstly you cannot do it alone. This is the time where the relationships that you have built over the years should really come to play. You need the support of friends, of family.

Tempting as it may be to shut the world out completely you need to let a few people in. Spend time with other people, talk to them about your feelings, do “normal” things with them.

The second point that nearly everyone agrees on is to take constructive action. This is where you start to re-establish control in some manner. It does not matter how small the action may be, and it may be different between people but you need to start doing things that are positive. It is a way of showing yourself that you are still “able”. Set a routine for your life (this is especially key if you have lost a job or business).

Waking up, drinking a beer, and tuning into the news for the rest of the day does not constitute a valid routine (you should probably limit the amount of negative news you watch at this time anyway).

Write a letter. Make a meal. Play with your kids. One step at a time you start to take back your life, to reintegrate and take control. Ed Cole in his books describes a man who lost his job and in order to keep a routine started volunteering to shovel snow from his neighbours’ yards. That action eventually became a source of income for him.

This article has been a little more sober than most I have written. I would love to say that you will never experience a massive traumatic event, but we all know that it is not true.

We cannot avoid the fact that we live in a less than perfect world where painful things will happen. When they do we can bounce back.
According to Psychology Today, traumatic events are times of great personal growth where you can gain new meaning for life, a clarification of goals, and a value for the ties with others. You just have to get through the process to get there.