adminFortious Nhambura Senior Features Writer
Though in the past one could rarely hear of divorce suits, such cases are becoming a common word in the neighbourhood, at the workplace and even in churches.
Statistics show that in the past two and half years the High Court has handled over 4 500 divorce applications and granted 1 600 of them.
These statistics are for cases that have been brought before the courts and fall under the Marriage Act. They do not take into account cases under the Customary Marriages Act. The third form of “marriage” is the unregistered customary law union and divorces in this union are undocumented.
Cases of divorce have been in an upward trend with statistics showing that in 2013 alone, the High Court both in Harare and Bulawayo handled nearly 1 800 divorce applications and 680 decrees of divorce were granted.
Last year in Harare, the High Court presided over 1 285 divorce applications out of which 450 marriages were terminated.
For the first half of the year until last week 1 100 applications for cancellation of marriage had been brought before the High Court, with 130 decrees of divorce have so far been granted in Harare and 44 in Bulawayo.
Marriage counsellors say if the trend witnessed is not arrested over 2 000 divorce applications will have been handled by the courts by year end.
The numbers do not lie.
Marriage counsellors say they are handling more cases of failing marriages than before and some time they recommend separation and subsequently divorce.
Lawyer and marriage counsellor David Kanokanga says the marriage institution is under siege.
“Not everyone is marriage material and our children must know that. People must get enough pre-marriage counselling so that they are prepared for the home. Ineffective pre-marriage counselling means our families are starting on weak foundations and hence will not last,” he said.
Divorces are affecting every strata of the society. A look of lawsuits that have been brought to the courts shows that there are both high- and low-profile divorce cases blaming the economy as for the rising cases of divorce.
Indeed, the vow “till death do us part”, has become irrelevant. There are a number of factors that have contributed to the demise of many marriages. Pastor Kanokanga says we have failed to follow God’s marriage plan, cases of long distance relationship, cheating and the internet were major contributors to the breakdown in the marriage institutions.
“God started the marriage institution but unfortunately we are trying to run the institution the way we want. We are definitely bound to fail. Follow what God says of the marriage institution and the cases will go down. Sure poverty, economic pressures and long distance relations may be there but when there is need for love, respect and commitment from both parties the marriage will be a success.
“It’s unfortunate that some people want to benefit from the institution of marriage but are not willing to follow the instruction of a happy marriage,” he said.
Pastor Kanokanga said cohabiting before marriage removed responsibility and commitment into the marriage resulting in more divorces.
Ms Pamela Bhaera of Glen View bemoaned the entry of social media in the home saying most marriages starting on the net are easily breaking down while Facebook and WhatsApp has made cheating easy.
“People are falling in love with Facebook profiles and getting married. They only discover when they are in the home that they are incompatible and hence opt for divorce. Those who do not want commitment must never enter into matrimony,” she said.
Pastor Kanokanga added: “The partner is also being forced to compete for attention with WhatsApp and Facebook. Cheating can now be done in the home without the partner suspecting. You don’t have to leave the house to cheat.
“The internet is connecting people with the past. People are hooking up with past flames on Facebook. Once they check up on what they former friends are doing relationships are bound to start and these have resulted in many marriage breakdowns. It is like adding paraffin to a naked flame. Most people are abusing the internet and resultantly most marital problems are starting on Facebook and WhatsApp.”
Social commentator Mai Rebecca Chisamba blamed arranged marriages saying young people were not being afforded the chance to choose compatible partners.
“Churches and other social groupings forcing children marry within the same institution were limiting options, hence the marriages were not lasting,” she said.
Mai Chisamba said people should be given an opportunity to choose their own life partners.
Family lawyer Wellington Pasipanodya said most of the divorce cases he had handled were mainly precipitated by loss of love and affection and that was because of incompatible partners, infidelity and denial of conjugal rights.
“Rushed marriages are to blame for divorces. People are entering the home without first understanding their partners. Once they discover that they are incompatible they are bound to divorce.
“The other reason is infidelity among couples and denial of conjugal rights. Once a partner finds joy elsewhere it leads to transfer of love from the home leading to lack of attention and denial of conjugal rights for the spouse and eventually divorce,” he said.
Family lawyers and counsellors all agreed on the need for families to seek advice and counselling early if they are to preserve their marriages.
Pastor Kanokanga said it takes a lot of courage to seek advice on your marriage because people think family matters are private business.
“It is wise that we seek counselling early. People must swallow their pride. Seek advice where you have problems. Ignorance and pride are taking a toll on many families. Seeking advice does not qualify you as a weakling and useless but actually makes you wise.
“This counselling has to be sought from qualified people. Not everyone can be a marriage counsellor, that is why we have pastors that are marriage officers and others are not,” Pastor Kanokanga said.
He said one can be a pastor but having marital problems at home and surely will not be able to offer help to someone in the same predicament.
A marriage officer with the Seventh Day Adventist Church who could not be named said people were failing God’s blueprint on marriages and as such there was bound to be no joy in the home.
“Marriage is a commitment; it is an institution of love and company. It is the highest human relationship and must be modelled around what God instructed. Marriages based on anything else other than the life manual, the Bible, are bound to fail.
“Our people need the wisdom from the creator. Like a car, marriage has its manual from the author of the institution. God gave us the institution of marriage and also the set of instruction to enjoy it, love respect and commitment,” he said.
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