To tell or not to tell: childrena��s HIV headache

Nhlalwenhle Ngwenya
IN Zimbabwe according to the 2013 UN fact sheet, there was an estimated 105A�740 children living with HIV at the end of 2009, with about 14A�957 children (0-14 years) newly-infected in the same year.

It was also hinted that about 3,2 percent of the HIV cases were mother to child transmissions. Great strides have been made in encouraging women to get tested during pregnancy and that has reduced the number of children born with HIV. However, there are still many cases of children born with the virus and how do parents or guardians deal with that?

In some instances parents fear telling their children about their HIV status and instead lie to them that anti-retroviral medicines they grow up taking are for some different ailments.

One parent, speaking on condition of anonymity, said he didna��t tell his child that he was born with HIV because as the child grew up he would resent himself and live a life of blame or reckless abandon.

a�?I feared that she would become suicidal because at the end ita��s not her problem that she was born with it. The blame comes back to me, so I couldna��t stare at my child and take the reality that I am the reason why she wona��t have a normal life like any other child,a�? he said.

Therea��s Nomathamsanqa (not her real name), unlike other children in the developing world whereby parents and doctors take years preparing to break the news to them at around the age of 10, she only discovered her HIV status when she was 17 years old.

a�?I used to take ART treatment daily thinking it was painkillers for a headache. Until my friends started asking me why I am taking painkillers daily. Thata��s when I decided to stop taking them without knowing the repercussions of defaulting from ART because I had no clue,a�? she said.

Her mother fell sick but what awaited her was not even in her mind.

a�?I started staying with my mother when my parents divorced. She became very sick to an extent that she had to be ferried to hospital. But still she couldna��t open up to me, until I decided to take matters into my hands,a�? she said.
Nomathamsanqa always had a ready supply of her a�?pain killersa�? but when she decided to take them to hospital thata��s when reality hit her.

a�?They (clinic) told me what they were. I didna��t understand because I was a virgin,a�? she said.

Like anyone shocked she cut her parents from her life for not telling her about the condition she had.

a�?I ran away from home to stay with friends. I couldna��t believe they could hide something like that from me,a�? she added.

Nompumelelo Bhebhe, spokesperson forA� Grassroots Soccer, an organisation that deals with children affected and infected with HIV, said one of the key problems around a situation like Nomathamsanqaa��s was the countrya��s laws.

a�?One of the problems we face is that we cana��t test teenagers below the age of 16 without the consent of their parents.

This becomes problematic in a situation whereby parents would have lied to their children and told them that they are taking tablets for a certain condition while they know that ita��s ART treatment,a�? she said.

But Nomathamsanqa is a strong woman considering that she didna��t do anything to harm her life or anyonea��s. She has accepted what she is and now at the age of 27, she is full of life.

a�?Ia��m currently in a relationship. I try by all means to live a fulfilling life. I want the relationship to be in a good space thata��s when I will reveal my status to my partner,a�? she says with an optimistic smile.

Although this is wrong, considering that she too was exposed to a life of lies and things didna��t end well she defended her actions.

a�?Ita��s not fair because he has to accept me for who I am. But sometimes you have to know first that the man is serious about you because at times when you reveal your status the person would dump you. I think therea��s another option though, we can go to the New Start Centre for testing together and he gets the news there before we go far in the relationship but imagine how many people will leave you by the end of the year as soon as they learn about your status?a�? she said.

Probably her new approach to dating is informed by that she dated a guy for three years and the revelation of her status ended the relationship.

a�?Before the current relationship I dated a guy who knew my status. However, things changed when he wanted a baby and his friends and family started asking questions,a�? she added.