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Thandekile Moyo
I ONCE worked at a company where I was the only female. They treated me like a queen and worshipped the ground I walked on. At lunchtime they would take turns to buy me food and the invites for after work activities were numerous and generous. At face value, it was an advantageous situation. In reality though, it left a bitter taste in my mouth. With the lunches came the fact that every one of them called me ‘‘baby’’.
I was shocked the first time it happened, but I was not sure if I had heard correctly so I decided to ignore it. Big mistake because after that, everyone called me baby. It only stopped when one day the head of our company said to me in front of everyone and without a care in the world ‘‘ok, baby’’.
From that day onwards, everyone else started calling me Miss Moyo. In retrospect I realised that in their minds they felt by calling me ‘‘baby’’ the boss was laying a claim on me and they had to respect that. By calling me Miss Moyo, they were not respecting me, the individual but they were respecting the fact that I was suddenly the boss’s girl.
He also seemed to like the insinuation that I was his girl and went out of his way to ‘‘monopolise’’ me. I eventually spoke to him about how uncomfortable it made me feel and thankfully he apologised and stopped it.
Just a short while ago, I asked a young colleague to use earphones as the music from his office was distracting me. He shouted ‘‘I’m sorry baby’’, stunning me and everyone else into silence. This wasn’t the first time he had called me that. He had done it before and I let it pass because again I thought maybe it was a slip of the tongue. I also did not want to be that woman that makes a big deal out of everything so I decided to let it slip. What a big mistake for here we were again and this time with a bigger audience.
One of our male colleagues came snickering at me later saying “I heard him call you baby, hmm what’s going on?” I said to him, “you know what, I’m glad you brought it up because I’m actually upset and I’m sitting here wondering how to handle this without making a big deal out of it. As a man how would you advise me to handle it?”
His response upset me even further. He said I should isolate the young man and tell him I dislike it when he calls me that in front of people. In my head I thought: What? In front of people? So you think I like it but only secretly? I was really angry I must confess.
This man was actually telling me he thinks I like it and I was just saying I do not because the boy had said it in public. Who knows, maybe he even suspected I was having an affair with him. The conversation ended with him saying he wished I could also let him call me baby and passing a joke about how he also wants to join the game.
Why do most men disrespect women? How are we supposed to handle it or prevent it? Half the time a man passes an inappropriate comment or cracks an explicit “joke” we really do not know how to react. Should we immediately tell them off?
Should we sit them down and explain that their behaviour is unsettling. Should we report them to Human Resources? Should we get a colleague to talk to them? Should we ignore and pray it never happens again? Half the time we choose to ignore because very few people like “issues”. We all try and avoid making a big deal out of nothing and most of us really don’t want to be branded as “problematic” or as “over-reacters”.
Another thing is the hassle associated with dealing with such issues. Imagine how petty it would sound to sit in a hearing where you accused someone of calling you baby. Most people would think it’s trivial and feel you’re a trouble maker. I am sure life after that would be difficult with everyone handling the resident rubble rouser with kid gloves.
Most men are sexist and view women merely as objects of amusement. This mentality permeates across all spheres and is worst in the professional sectors where we are surrounded by men. Most of them being our superiors. Sexism is terrible in that it is somehow acceptable as we belong in a patriarchal society and sometimes the lines are blurred between the roles of women in social settings and our roles in professional settings.
This is terrible in that men will cross lines in regards to how they treat us and we will entertain some of their untoward behaviour because we have been socialised to be respectful and not be “nags”.
This is so expected of us to the extent that when we do stand up for ourselves and speak out/up against anything we are labelled “prostitutes” because in the minds of most, only prostitutes deviate from the norm of blindly submitting to all men.
They call us that as a way of “checking” us and therefore, forcing us into submission and if that doesn’t work then we must be, not just a prostitute but an important man’s prostitute.
Look at what is happening in the MDC. The woman who has stood up against the MDC leader was harassed by youths chanting “hure” and the woman who is standing up against the leader’s adversaries has been labelled Chamisa’s mistress! Or rather, Chamisa’s prostitute.
Zimbabwean men need to learn to start treating women as respectable human beings.
Online Reporter