Online Reporter
Eish bakithi, love is sweet until secrets, suspicion and confusion arrive carrying folding chairs. This week we have a former sex worker afraid her past may destroy her future, a woman worried her fiancé has already turned marriage into a detective series, and a man trapped between his wife and his mother. Let’s open the clinic.
I WAS A PROSTITUTE… SHOULD I TELL THE MAN I LOVE?
Dear Bra Binzy,
I’m a 22-year-old commercial sex worker. I recently met a man in church who is ready to die for me. He does not know my history.
I went into prostitution when I was 14 years old and I have slept with countless men. I have had three abortions and have been treated multiple times for STIs.
When this God-fearing man came into my life, everything changed. I really love him as much as he loves me, or maybe even more. I also think he is a virgin.
Recently I took an HIV test and it came out negative. Should I tell him about my life and risk losing him? I feel there should be no secrets between us but I fear my past may scare him away. If I confess, how much must I tell him?
Worried About My Past
Bra Binzy Responds
Sisi, sisi, haa…
Your past and your future are not married to each other. Many people have painful chapters behind them. The important thing is whether they remain trapped there.
Yes, you should tell him the truth.
Not because he needs every detail, but because serious relationships cannot survive on hidden truths. If he discovers everything from someone else later, the bigger issue may become the secrecy rather than your past.
Be honest. Tell him you were involved in sex work, that you have had abortions, faced health challenges and that you have changed your life.
You do not need to provide graphic details or a history book of every relationship.
Then allow him to decide.
If he leaves, painful as it may be, he was not prepared for the whole truth. If he stays, you will know he loves the woman you are today.
And please continue prioritising your health. Love is beautiful, but regular medical check-ups remain important.
MY BOYFRIEND WANTS A DNA TEST FOR A CHILD WE DO NOT EVEN HAVE
Dear Bra Binzy,
I am engaged to a man who constantly accuses me of cheating. I have never cheated.
Recently he told me that when we have children, he will demand DNA tests for all of them because he does not trust women. We do not even have kids yet. He says it is normal these days.
I feel insulted. Should I ignore it?
Suspicious Future Wife
Bra Binzy Responds
Haa sisi.
You are being shown a trailer of your future.
Trust is not something you install after marriage. It is the foundation.
If he already suspects you without evidence, marriage is unlikely to magically fix that mindset.
Today it is DNA tests. Tomorrow it may be your phone, your movements or your friendships.
Ask him where this fear comes from. Was he betrayed before? Is he influenced by friends or social media stories?
Listen carefully.
The issue is not really DNA testing. The issue is whether he views you as trustworthy.
A relationship where one partner is permanently under suspicion becomes exhausting. Marriage should feel like a partnership, not a courtroom.
If he wants a future with you, he must learn to separate his fears from your character.
MY WIFE AND MY MOTHER ARE AT WAR
Dear Bra Binzy,
I have been married for three years. My wife and my mother cannot stand each other.
My mother says my wife is disrespectful. My wife says my mother treats her like a maid.
Whenever there is a family gathering they end up fighting indirectly through me. One complains, then the other complains.
I am tired. I love them both but I feel like a football being kicked between two teams.
How do I fix this?
Referee Husband
Bra Binzy Responds
Eish mfowethu…
You have stumbled into one of the oldest family battles known to man.
The mistake many husbands make is trying to stay completely neutral. That often solves nothing.
You need boundaries.
Your mother must understand that your wife is now the woman of her own household. Your wife must also understand that respect for elders remains important.
Speak to them separately first. Do not become a messenger carrying complaints from one side to the other.
Make it clear what behaviour must stop, then encourage a calm conversation between them.
No insults. No gossip. No dragging relatives into the conflict.
Most importantly, remember this: you can love your mother while protecting your marriage.
A wife should not replace your mother, and a mother should not control your marriage.
If both women genuinely care about you, they must stop turning you into the trophy in a competition nobody wins.
Until next week, keep your hearts open, your eyes sharp and your phones away from suspicious lovers.
Want Bra Binzy to fix your messy umjolo situation? E-mail: [email protected]
Or WhatsApp us on 0776201133 with the hashtag #DearBraBinzy
