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ASK BRA BINZY — THE MESSIEST HEARTS WELCOME
Welcome back to Ask Bra Binzy, where nothing is too messy, too shocking, or too awkward to handle. Life can be a wild dance of mistakes and temptation, but Bra Binzy is here to serve raw, unfiltered truths with practical advice and zero sugar-coating.
WHEN PAST LOVES INVITE CHAOS
Bra Binzy:
I’m in a total mess!
I’m a 45-year-old man. About seven years ago I met this wild girl at a bar and we hit it off instantly. She was ready and willing to do anything with me and nothing was taboo to her in the bedroom. I even rented accommodation for her for two years. I had to reluctantly cut ties with her after it started affecting my marriage and work.
Last year, my son (actually my brother’s 35-year-old son) whom we had given up hope of him getting married, announced he had found a wonderful woman to settle down with, at church. The boy loves church so much, he always said he is married to Jesus. We accompanied him for lobola negotiations as is our custom. My heart almost stopped when, horror of terrors, the woman he was telling us about turned out to be my nymph from all those years ago. I could not say anything.
I met the girl afterwards and I’m ashamed to say we started where we had left off. My son dotes on this woman and she tells me he’s a simp who’s boring in bed and all other aspects of life. She says the only reason she doesn’t leave him is because their marriage makes it possible for her to access me anytime without anyone becoming suspicious. I know he would die if she leaves him. I now feel so guilty I can’t even talk to my son the way I used to.
Truthfully, Bra Binzy, don’t spare my feelings, how do I clean up this mess?
— Anonymous
Bra Binzy response:
My man… my man… eish, you’ve cooked a stew so spicy even a dragon would cry! Listen carefully: you are dancing barefoot on knives and you can already feel the cuts.
Step One: Stop the affair immediately. This woman is playing you, my guy. She has you tangled like spaghetti in a pot and your son is the innocent topping you’re about to burn.
Step Two: Come clean to yourself first. You are carrying a guilt so heavy it’s poisoning your marriage and your conscience.
Write down everything, get it out of your head, but do not drag your son into your shame. He deserves the truth later, not this chaos now.
Step Three: Cut all secret communication. Change your routines, block her, and make your boundaries sacred. The moment you continue, she owns you and you will keep losing pieces of your soul.
Step Four: Reconnect with your marriage and your integrity. Therapy, prayers, counsel, whatever it takes to steady your heart and your mind.
Hard truth: She will never leave your son willingly, and she will always use him as a cover. The only way to save yourself, and your conscience, is to burn the bridge to her completely. Painful? Yes. But mercy on yourself and your family will only come when the liar and seducer has no access to your life.
THE MULTIPLE BABY BOMB
Bra Binzy:
I impregnated my maid, my wife and my girlfriend. Both the maid and my girlfriend know about my wife but my wife does not know about the other two and they also don’t know about each other. My girlfriend and my wife have flatly refused to have abortions.
The maid has of late grown noticeably rude to my wife and she tells me she wants me to formalise our affair and take her as my second wife. That is unthinkable because it would hurt my wife beyond belief. I think it would also trigger my girlfriend to reveal herself. Please help me to get out of this.
Worried, Capetown
Bra Binzy Response:
Oooohhh, brother . . . this one is hotter than a coal stove in July! My guy, you are juggling grenades with bare hands and expecting fireworks, but what you’re getting is explosions in the face.
Step one: Face reality and take responsibility. This mess will not clean itself. You have three people relying on your honesty in one way or another. Start with stabilising your marriage — that is your foundation.
Step two: Set boundaries fast. The maid and girlfriend cannot run the show. Their expectations and threats are your wake-up call. You need to clearly communicate: no polygamy, no secret marriages, and no manipulation.
Step three: seek mediation or counselling. You cannot negotiate this chaos in whispers and hope. Bring in professional help, neutral ground, and be ready to deal with the consequences.
Step four: prepare for fallout. Both the maid and girlfriend may react unpredictably. Protect your marriage first, then handle the rest responsibly. Lies and avoidance will only multiply your headaches and guilt.
Hard truth: you created this mess with your choices, now your choices must fix it. There is no easy escape. Courage, honesty, and discipline are your only lifeboats.
LOVE TRIANGLE WITH BLUNT EDGES
Dear Bra Binzy:
I’m in love with my best friend’s girl and I don’t know what to do. The three of us are always together and the two of them trust me so much it hurts. I feel pain when they hug and kiss and she always hugs me like a brother.
I can’t get her out of my mind. How can I win her without destroying our friendship?
Jack (Harare)
Bra Binzy response:
Ah, you’re playing with fire, my boy, and you’re standing barefoot on dry grass! Loving your best friend’s girl is like sipping your own tears — salty, painful, and pointless.
The harsh truth? If you try to steal her, you’ll lose them both and maybe your teeth too, depending on how your friend reacts. That kind of betrayal cuts deeper than a razor blade in winter.
Two options:
1. Step back hard: Limit how often you’re around them, stop feeding the fantasy, and remind yourself there are billions of women out there who aren’t wearing your friend’s ring.
2. Confess and face the storm: Tell him the truth like a man and be ready to lose the friendship.
My vote? Option one. Heal quietly. Work on yourself. You’re clearly a loyal dude — give that loyalty to someone who actually belongs to you.
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