Online Reporter
When love, lust and madness cross wires, you get a cocktail that only Bra Binzy can sort out.
This week’s letters hit hard, fam! Nosizo’s stuck with a stone-age hubby who thinks romance died with black-and-white TV. Another sister’s drowning in guilt after falling for her late brother-in-law and birthing a secret that could burn her marriage. Then there’s a young man battling taboo thoughts about his own mother, confused between lust, guilt and spiritual torment. Eish! Bra Binzy tackles them all with streetwise truth, humour, and that no-filter wisdom you won’t get from church or shrinks.
My husband thinks pizza is for slay queens!
Dear Bra Binzy,
I got married to a man who is 23 years older than me. He’s a sweet darling but there’s one thing about him that annoys the hell out of me. He’s so old fashioned and patriarchal, it shreds my nerves. One day I asked him to buy me a cob of roasted mealies and he erupted saying I had to grow up. “Don’t you realise that if we save this money and work hard, we can buy a seed pack and grow all the mealies we want?” he thundered. Like honestly, he was speaking of saving R10. The other day I craved pizza and my caveman told me it was for empty-headed slay queens and I should be thinking of buying mealie-meal to cook “wholesome isitshwala.” When he is provoked, he is quick to say “awulangqondo njengonyoko!” I mean, even if he’s older than my mum, it does not give him the right to diss her. I crave a simple ice-cream date with my man but he is too set in the 1920s to give me that. I’m seriously tempted to cheat with a guy of my age to get these simple things. I envy girls of my age who go on pizza dates almost every day. Help me Bra Binzy, how do I change this ancient Ndebele man?
Nosizo – Bulawayo
Bra Binzy responds:
Esh sisi, you didn’t marry a husband, you married a museum exhibit! The poor old fella still thinks romance is fetching water together at the borehole. Yoh, you’re craving pizza and he’s thinking ploughing season! Listen mama, you can’t change a whole generation’s mind-set overnight. Don’t cheat — that’ll just turn your life into a full-blown telenovela. Instead, modernise him slowly. Cook his “wholesome isitshwala,” then surprise him with small fun things — a walk, an ice-cream at the park, maybe even a homemade pizza. Win him over softly, not by fighting. And if all fails, remember: some men age, others fossilise. Pick your battles, sisi.
I slept with my husband’s brother… now his ghost lives in my child!
Dear Bra Binzy,
I carry a heavy secret that’s threatening to destroy me and my marriage. My husband’s brother fell ill last year and he moved in with us so we could take care of him. One day I had to bathe him because the nurse did not show up. I noticed he had a very big one and I craved it. One day, we slept together and I got pregnant. He died when the pregnancy was about 8 months old. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy that my husband loves more than anything. It breaks my heart when he buys me endless presents and spoils me for giving him an heir. One day I cried when he bragged to his friends about the child and thanked God for giving him a wonderful and faithful wife. I know he does not suspect a thing. What also worries me is that the boy is the spitting image of his brother. His sisters have noticed it and they thank me for sort of reincarnating their deceased sibling. I’m losing my mind, help me Bra Binzy before I implode. I can’t take this anymore.
Anonymous
Bra Binzy responds:
Eish dadewethu, this one is a spiritual earthquake waiting to happen! Yoh, my sister, you’re walking with a time bomb in your chest. But listen carefully — confession won’t fix this, it’ll destroy everything. That man loves his child; let that be his peace. What you need is therapy and prayer, not guilt killing you from inside. Forgive yourself, but never repeat that path again. Sometimes the devil doesn’t come with horns — he comes as a temptation in your own house. Live quietly, raise that child with love, and learn your lesson deep. Remember, secrets rot the soul, but spilling this one will burn the house down.
Help! I’m attracted to my own mother!”
Dear Bra Binzy,
I think I’m horribly sick. I’m sexually attracted to my mother. Please don’t judge me, I really can’t help myself. I often find myself fantasising about her inappropriately. I feel terribly guilty afterwards but I always do it. I’m also addicted to her perfume. Is this a psychological condition or am I possessed by evil spirits? Help me to stop this because it is affecting all aspects of my life.
Troubled Soul
Bra Binzy responds:
Eish mfana, this one’s deep, hey! Don’t even think of calling a prophet yet — what you need first is a psychologist, not holy water. You’re not possessed, you’re confused, and that confusion has a name — the Oedipus complex. It happens when your emotions twist up like a bad charger cable. The guilt you feel means you still have sense left, so act on it. Get counselling and keep your distance from your mom until your head clears. Avoid her perfume if it triggers you. Remember, my guy, real men don’t chase their demons — they choke them before they ruin their lives.
Bra Binzy’s closing words:
Love can sweeten life or scorch it like hot cooking oil. Keep your head cool, your morals cleaner and your choices wiser. Life’s not a soapie, it’s real and it bites.
Do you want Bra Binzy to solve your messy umjolo saga?
Email [email protected] or WhatsApp us on 0776201133 with the hashtag#DearBraBinzy
