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IN most cases when you are head over heels in love with someone, your judgement becomes clouded and you never get to realise that you being used until the end when left at the highest level of heartbreak.
Of course we all know that normal relationships must be a give and take scenario, depending on what each partner is going through. But the minute you begin to feel or alerted by people close to you that you are giving too much, then stop your horse and check if you are not being used.
It is unfortunate that sometimes it’s not so obvious. People are good at making excuses and when you are smitten with someone, you get to justify all their actions be it good or bad. One thing which should be noted is that there is a thin line between being used and helping too much.
In an ideal world, a relationship has a lot of give and take. But relationships are rarely ideal and being used in a relationship is way more common than we would like it to be. It normally starts out simple enough, with someone who seems really sensitive, interesting and reflective and ‘‘not like everyone else’’. Before you know it, once they make you feel comfortable it becomes the key to using you.
While it often sneaks up on us, it is easy to notice that someone is being used and when one is in the same predicament, they justify everything happening. Why is that people have to notice that they were used in a relationship only after break-up. Some have been unfortunate as they get to be in the same scenario more than once.
To avoid being used more than once, you have to be honest with yourself about what’s actually happening in your relationship. If you find yourself always making excuses on behalf of your partner who treats you badly, know that the relationship is a give-away and not balanced. The basic yardstick for telling whether you are being used or not is to take a good look at how you are being treated, if you find that your partner is disrespectful, never treats you well and you don’t feel good with the person then chances are you are being used. Unfortunately when all this is happening, one would not admit but will either make excuses for the partner or pretend as if it is not happening. Why do you have to bail this person out all the time when she/he is torturing your heart?
And actually, the person you are with should make you feel good, build you up, make you feel happy and like life is better than it is without them. But if you are constantly feeling small, underwhelmed, let down then something is really off and there’s a good chance you are being used.
Pay attention if you are the one always making an effort to make the relationship have that ‘‘vibe’’. Whether you have been dating for five days or five years, it should still be a two-way street. You can generally use your own feelings and comfort level as a good yardstick. If you find that your needs are not being met or that you are becoming resentful, something’s up.
Having mutual respect means that you are both okay with the dynamics between you. It doesn’t matter what the relationship looks like as something that’s casual and just about sex can still have a lot of respect. They might not want any sort of serious relationship, but they like you and you might generally feel good in this situation, but it is important for both of you to be on the same page. If you are not comfortable with the relationship and they know you want more then choose to ignore, you are being used and it’s not ok.
If you really like someone, admitting you are being used is likely to be the last thing that you want to do. You may feel like the fact that they are using you is embarrassing, but screw them. No matter how hard you try to save the relationship, if the other party is after using and dumping you, one day when they have had enough, they will do it. See the red lights and play your cards well.
FEEDBACK
I am in a long distance relationship and I have had a heartbreak as my girlfriend no longer receives my calls and when she does, only utters one word. I am now tired of kneeling and begging her. I am never given attention or recognition and now feel like am not part of her to-do list. I am one of those people who are beggars in relationships and it is worsened by the fact that she is now at college and I am not educated. In relationships where you are a beggar, there is no happiness.
I like that and enjoyed your perspective, indeed being a beggar is very stupid. Thanks for making us stronger and to believe in ourselves no matter the circumstances. Thanks so much keep on keeping on.
Well said. It is unfortunate that in most relationships women are the ones who are beggars. The society is very cruel as they always judge women harshly making them to fear divorce. Women should know that this is 21st century and gone are the days of begging men, instead they should empower themselves and become independent.
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Online Reporter