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If you watch or play sports, you know that benching means keeping a player off the field or court as a backup option, in case your first or second choice of player is unable to play.
This analogy has been extended to the dating world, to describe a dating trend where people keep potential partners as backup options.
“Benching means keeping a backup player on the side lines, not letting them participate in the live-action of one’s life, but letting them think they are a part of it because they get a better seat than those in the bleachers,” says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”
Also, sometimes known as cushioning and bread crumbing, benching is the equivalent of stringing someone along. The person is not interested, they’re just not interested enough to commit to anything and are playing the field, so to speak.
“Benching has become very common with the use of dating apps, as people tend to be overwhelmed with choice and are often juggling multiple partners,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.
How to know if you are being benched
These are some signs that can help you recognize someone is benching you:
Inconsistent communication: One of the classic signs of benching is that the person will be inconsistent in their contact, communication and efforts to make plans with you, says Dr. Romanoff.
Uncertainty: If the person you are dating is vague about their next contact with you, their upcoming schedule and their level of interest in seeing you again, then it’s possible you’re being benched, says de Llano.
Their behaviour can leave you feeling uncertain of their interest and motives.
Last-minute plans: When the person does reach out, they may try to make plans with you at the last minute, usually because something else has fallen through and they have a gap in their schedule they want to fill.
Casual sex: The person may engage in casual sex with you, either regularly or occasionally, without any hint of emotional commitment.
Emotional fallback: The person may use you as a source of emotional support when they’re going through something difficult and need comfort. Though being there for them can make you feel valued and needed, it’s important to note whether the support is reciprocated, or only one-way.
One-sidedness: Your interest, communication and interactions with the person can feel one-sided.
Is benching the same as ghosting?
Benching is not quite the same as ghosting , because while benching means stringing someone along, ghosting someone means abruptly ending all communication and contact without any information or explanation. Essentially, benching means coming and going from someone’s life at will; whereas ghosting means disappearing from their life altogether, de Llano clarifies. (Source: www.verywellmind.com)
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