adminWe always come up with different theories of when it is time to pack and leave in a relationship. “If he does ABCD please leave.” That’s all rubbish! You can’t go by a check-off list in real life. Red flags are never red, warning signs don’t come blinking with sirens, if it were that easy to point out a bad person, dating wouldn’t be so hard. You can have a thousand examples of things that men do that would make you leave him, but until you are in that situation with your heart on the line, you can’t say for sure that you would actually leave. Reasoning. Context. History. These are the things that keep people holding on to bad relationships. Every woman likes to huff and puff about how she would never be with a man after he cheats on her, but when push comes to shove and there are love words involved, she changes that tune and makes an excuse for him.
You can’t predict what your heart will put up with. At the same time, you have to fully understand what kind of person you are dealing with. There comes a breaking point in most relationships when two incompatible people should split, but they don’t, they continue because they are comfortable with each other, afraid to find someone new, or plain delusional. Everyone around you can see that your relationship is weak but you think he is the best husband/boyfriend ever. In a few months you will look back and say, “I can’t believe you let me stay with him so long, what was I thinking?” A week later you’re back with him. What were you thinking?
Men and women are very different when it comes to why they hang around in bad relationships. Guys stick it out for the dumbest reasons like she has her own place, she puts up with his nonsense and the sex. Men will cry, “I don’t want to break up. I love you” when in reality he’s saying: “I don’t want to break up, you take care of me.” You are in love with a man who loves you for what you do for him, not who you are. It’s called “beneficiary relationship” and the smartest women fall in love with men who simply want to be pacified like a toddler in her life. Ahh well, today I want to focus on us, women.
This is just to speak and reach out to my beautiful friends and sisters out there because the reasons they hang on to a bad relationship vary and tend to be a little more complex from one relationship to another. God bless you all in your quest for true love, respect and security! Do you know that people tell us who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be — true! He is so nice, then he is so mean, then he is nice again, then you are back fighting. Those guys are great at attracting stupid “material women” because when they are nice, they are really nice. A chick will be with this guy for materials while he won’t let you boss him around and you won’t because he is everything you have ever wanted.
Everyone’s out to get him, no one cares about him, the next thing you know you are feeling guilty and you don’t even know what to do but you still tolerate his idiocy. No, its time to leave! Stop ruining your life. You have forced yourself to love a man with the heart of an after school special and now you resent yourself. Don’t feel guilty, he will find another woman. It’s better to end a mediocre relationship than to continue with a relationship that will make you a sad woman. People break up and get back together all the time, there is nothing wrong with second chances. But when he relies on spurts of good times to hypnotise you then as soon as drama happens, he runs, he doesn’t want to talk it out, he has a secret weapon to end any dispute — it’s called “woman, try being alone”.
The biggest problem with us women is that we have this desire to be in a relationship. Some women think that having a boyfriend will make them happy and give them the validation that they are a catch. Regardless, if you can find someone who wants to be with you or not, you should have the confidence that you are the greatest woman ever. Instead, we put up with bad guys. “So you’re going to walk out on me after everything we’ve been through.” Yes, because he is positive that you are going to chase after him. He is playing a game, he knows that you’re not going to let him walk out of your life.
Men know when they have a woman wrapped around their fingers. During sex they can feel how our bodies react, he may not have been the first one to take you there but it feels like it. Arguments, infidelity, breakups it’s all wiped away with sex. Really? Are you going to be that easy? But I guess you Love Him . . . Love is worth fighting for, but love is not worth the fighting. Breaking up isn’t fun, it isn’t easy, and no matter how strong you think you are, it’s going to hurt for a long time. Deal with it. So you’re single again — who cares? The world doesn’t laugh behind your back every time you fail at love. Everyone experiences it. Stand up women and get counted.
Love you all. Feedback: [email protected]
Online Reporter
derick.khumalo