Online Reporter
IN a move that redefines the term “football administration”, the Premier Soccer League (PSL) governors recently tried to cancel relegation — much like one might cancel a streaming subscription — only to discover that reality does not have an “unsubscribe” button.
Imagine the scene: After what we can only assume was a very long and “liquid” lunch, the PSL’s finest gathered and decided that, this year, losing did not count.
In their magical kingdom, where the rules are written in invisible ink, a team with a majestic 10 points from 33 games — read Kwekwe United — deserved a participation trophy and another season in the top-flight.
Dynamos, Highlanders, Manica Diamonds, Triangle, GreenFuel, Yadah and Bikita Minerals would have survived, too, not because
they earned it, but because the PSL just felt generous.
It was as if they declared that gravity was optional for the season, and everyone was just expected to float.
Their masterplan was a thing of beauty.
Not only would no one face the dreaded drop, but the league would magically expand to 22 teams.
That is 462 matches! In a country where most stadiums have more “temporarily closed” signs than fans, this was not ambition — it was a fantasy.
Players would have needed the stamina of marathon-running mules and a personal physio on speed dial.
The governors, in their infinite wisdom, tore up the football statutes.
They built a boozers-league paradise where failure was rewarded and the only thing getting relegated was common sense.
But just as they were patting each other on the back, FIFA stepped in, forcing ZIFA, which also entertained this curious — if not crazy — idea, to do the needful.
Within hours, the dream was over. Relegation was reinstated.
The bubble burst.
The PSL governors are now left with a spectacular amount of egg on their faces.
They attempted to turn the PSL into a consequence-free crèche, and instead earned a standing ovation in the Hall of Shameless Ideas.
It will take years for fans to forget this comedy of errors.
