malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married woman aged 36 and blessed with two kids. As a couple, we are both gainfully employed.
I work for a private company and my husband is in the public sector.
My place of work has a very good environment and we treat each other as family and friends.
I do not know whether I am reading too much into the issue at hand or not. One of my bosses has a tendency of over-appreciating me and I really do not know how to react.
He acknowledges my good work ethic; on days like Mother’s Day and Easter, he gifts me giant bouquets of flowers or very expensive chocolates.
He has never made any advances. I feel uncomfortable about the whole thing and I cannot take such expensive flowers home.
I end up keeping them in the office. I made an observation that even if we complete tasks as a group, I am the only one who gets a token of appreciation. Amai, I do not know what to do because if anyone spills the beans, my husband will go mad.
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. I do not think you are reading too much into his behaviour. There is indeed a cause for concern. The tokens he is giving you are very suggestive.
Flowers are intimate. If the truth be told, his actions speak very clearly. This can also stir up trouble since he is doing it in full view of other workers.
I suggest you tell him to stop, even if he means well.
What is the human resources department’s position on this? It can play a role in helping you put an end to this if it continues to happen. Continue to work hard and avoid distractions. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Am I being undermined?
I am a 25-year-old man and my wife is a year younger than I. We are yet to have children. My wife’s uncle, who stays and works outside the country, has asked us to go and be caretakers of his property.
There is a self-contained wing that has no tenant at one of his houses in the ghetto. We accepted the arrangement because it is free accommodation; it is like manna from heaven.
The problem now is that some people from my side of the family, including my own mother, are saying it is not a good idea to go and stay there because I will not be able to exercise my authority as head of the house.
My wife is making frantic arrangements for us to go to our new home, but I am now sitting on the fence. Amai, please help. I am now torn apart.
Response
Thank you very much for your communication. Let me commend your wife’s uncle for such a generous gesture. Not many people do that in this day and age, where everyone is looking for an extra dollar. Inasmuch as it is noble to take advice from other people, as a couple, you should make your own final decision.
Free accommodation is a bargain. This will be a great stepping stone and you will be able to save for your future. What authority did you want to exercise?
Your wife’s family is yours too because you are legally and spiritually one flesh now. Why are you moving goalposts?
When this uncle made the proposition, you accepted with open arms. You should man up; when you say yes, let it be definite.
Tell your family, candidly, why it is important for you to take up this accommodation. I wish you all the best.
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Father putting us to shame
Amai, how are you? I am a woman aged 28 and I am married to a 32-year-old man. We are both gainfully employed and blessed with one small child. Our parents are both retired and they lead a comfortable life. I have four siblings, all female and married.
I am the last-born. The reason I am writing to you is that my father is behaving strangely. He is going behind our backs, borrowing money that he does not pay back from his sons-in-law.
This came to light just last week when we had a get-together dinner for siblings and spouses. The amount he borrows is between US$300 and US$500.
He tells them that he does not want his daughters and wife to know. We all wondered what he needed all that money for. This would kill our frail mother if she gets wind of this. This is very embarrassing. How do we stop this behaviour?
Response
I am very well and thanks for inquiring. Let me commend you for being a good family; coming together as siblings is a good thing. Now, for the point at issue, Baba’s behaviour is embarrassing, to say the least.
Your guess is just as good as mine. I do not know what he does with these large amounts at his age.
It is an issue that should be handled with care because it can cause ripple effects.
I suggest you choose one sibling to talk to Baba in confidence and ask him to stop this habit for the sake of the family. Persuade all your spouses to write off whatever he borrowed. I do not think he has the capacity to pay back the loans. I know it is not fair but we are trying to save Amai. Please keep me posted.
Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474.
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