adminLife Issues with FGK
Over the last few weeks, l have spoken widely about lobola and its significance.
The general sentiment is that the tradition needs to be upheld in its purest sense.
lt cuts across cultures and above all, has some holy worth.
Today we look at who is entitled to receive lobola.
It appears a lot of people are reluctant to discuss the issue of who gets what from the lobola.
The Zezuru culture stipulates that, during lobola, ‘mombe yehumai’ is only paid once to one person. The cow signifies the blood that was lost by the bride’s mother during her birth.
But things are often done wrong.
ln search of greener pastures abroad, some parents have abandoned their children. Others just abandon their parenting responsibilities for reasons best known to them.
This create instances whereby a biological mother or father will only resurface for lobola rites.
ln some cases, this has resulted in harsh exchanges of words and fist fights during lobola negotiations as such parents fail to find common ground with the guardians.
Raising a child is not a joke and our prevailing economic situation makes the process even tougher.
How then should the situation be handled?
When biological parents were not around for their child, who should lead proceedings during lobola negotiations?
Is it the biological parents or the guardians?
These and many other questions around the process remain contentious.
When getting married, people sometimes get confused. They are made to choose between ‘parents’ that raised them or those that gave birth to them.
The most common scenario is that of divorced parents. You come across fathers that abandoned their pregnant lovers long back, only to resurface for the lobola negotiations.
These type of men usually accept responsibility only when the child is fully grown.
There there are situations where children are left behind as their parents go to work outside the country. Consequently, such parents spend little or no time with their children.
While this group might provide financial support, they cannot offer emotional support and the guidance that is essential in moulding a child.
The same can be said of parents who try to play their roles through the phone.
Whether justified or not, absence has consequences.
lts negative impact on the family, the wife/husband and children, is certainly underestimated.
ln such circumstances, whoever takes over the father’s or mother’s role should qualify for a share of the lobola.
However, the biggest question is who deserves more? Could it be the absentee biological parent or the guardian who stepped up and provided financial, social and moral support in the upbringing of the child?
Then there are circumstances when the older sibling takes up the parenting role. ln this case, there is no lobola entitlement to talk about.
It is imperative that we all remember that parenting is a process that starts from pregnancy up to the time the child is able to sustain themself.
Some women are impregnated in their teens. When they give birth, they leave the children with their mothers as they pursue education or new marriages.
In this case, the grandmothers are entitled to a token of appreciation when the child gets married. In some customs, a cow is paid.
Parents are always delighted to see their children getting married, it makes them proud.
Marriage is God’s favour to the couple.
lt is also a culmination of all the moral and spiritual support that the couple received as they were growing up.
Therefore, whoever raises a child should be appreciated.
During the course of this week, let’s discuss how to deal with parents that ‘resurrect from the dead’ during lobola negotiations. Send your views and comments to the platforms provided below.
Quote of the week: One does not become a parent by just making babies but by going through the overall child rearing process.
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