Why women do not report battering

Fredrick Qaphelani Mabikwa

IN my last two articles, I have examined the cultural and general drivers of wife-beating in Zimbabwe. Having suffered physical abuse, it is both surprising and concerning that some women do not take legal action against their partners or husbands. Some women will choose to confide in a friend, but will not report the matter to the family elders or the police. Below are some reasons why many women do not report abuse.

Some women still hold onto outdated beliefs. They consider beating to be a part of marriage and do not see anything wrong with it. They may even become anxious if their husband does not beat them for a long time, as they see it as a sign that he no longer cares for them.

These are often women who come from backgrounds where they were socialised to believe that no matter how unbearable a marriage becomes, one must endure, as that is the supposed nature of marriage. They grew up in families where abuse was considered normal, making it difficult for them to recognise when a relationship becomes toxic. These women suffer in silence.

At times, they may even think that it is their fault they were beaten – they must have deserved it.
Some women do not report physical abuse due to economic reasons. Some battered women are entirely dependent on their husbands financially. The husband is the sole breadwinner in the family, and his imprisonment would mean no rent, no food, and no school fees for the children.

There is also fear that even if he is jailed for a short time and is released, he may not be able to get his job back. The woman has no other means of survival and feels she has no choice but to remain silent and endure, or risk becoming destitute. In some cases, it is not just economic dependency, but also sympathy for her husband. She fears that she will ruin his life, as he is a respected professional and may be deregistered by the relevant authorities if he acquires a criminal record.

“My husband is a lawyer; what will happen to his career if he gets a criminal record?” she might ask.
In some cases, women are threatened with consequences if they report. Threats of having their children taken away from them are made, as well as threats of further physical harm. At times, some women even receive death threats if they dare go to the police or tell anyone about the abuse. They fear for their own life and the safety of their children. They are willing to sacrifice their own safety to protect their children’s well-being, so that they do not grow up in poverty or without a father.

Fear of family and community plays a significant role in why women do not report abuse. They fear the judgement of their husband’s family, who may question her decision to report their son. The husband’s family would likely assume that she provoked the abuse and deserved it, and they would insist that their son is a good husband, pushed too far. She may also fear the wrath of her husband’s siblings, who could be hostile toward her for reporting their brother.

She would also be afraid of her in-laws accusing her of dishonouring their child. This is a major fear, as it could damage her relationship with them permanently, regardless of the outcome of the reporting.

Some women do not report because everyone around them thinks the abuser is a “good guy,” and she is embarrassed, knowing that no one would believe her. She realises that family, friends, and the community would likely not support her. At times, she may even blame herself because she is told it is her fault and that she deserved the beating. In certain situations, she may not report because she genuinely loves him and believes he regrets his actions. Every time it happens, he apologises and promises it will never happen again.

The woman wants him to change and gives him another chance. So, the husband is given a “last chance” time and again. If the beatings are triggered by alcohol consumption, she convinces herself that it is the alcohol that causes the violence. She resolves to help him control or stop drinking. She will endure the punches quietly, hoping to make the relationship work and help him change.

Rather than asking “why isn’t she reporting?” or “why doesn’t she just leave?”, we should ask different questions when we read about physical abuse. We should ask, “why is he abusive?”, “how can we break the cycle of abuse?”, or “how can I support her to be safe?” Some women find the courage to take action against their husbands because they do not want their children to grow up in an abusive environment. They firmly believe that battering is criminal behaviour that must be punished by law.

While it may be difficult for a woman to report physical abuse, it may be worthwhile to have a violent man charged by the police. Taking legal action and following through, despite community and gender-based pressures, may be the only way for women to persuade abusive men and the justice system that they will not tolerate violence