Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
MY wife is slowly getting addicted to betting, how best can I help her.
She started doing it for fun, but I feel that it is now getting out of hand.
She started winning small money.
Now she has been getting big wins of late, and it is exciting her so much that she keeps playing.
She even wakes up in the middle of the night to play these games.
She has helped improve our home with her winnings, but I don’t want her to play anymore as I feel like it is getting out of hand.
How best can I help her?
*************
Tete Joyie Says:
It is a good sign that you are paying close attention and reaching out now.
Many people wait until things have spiralled further.
What you are describing sounds like the early stages of a gambling addiction, especially when the behaviour begins to interfere with sleep, emotional well-being, or daily routines, even if it is bringing in money for now.
Here is how you can approach this with care and support:
1. Start with compassion, not confrontation
Choose a calm moment to speak with her, not when she has just lost or won. Share your feelings, not accusations.
Try something like: “I have noticed you have been up late a lot and betting more often. I am starting to worry about how it might affect you and us in the long term.”
2. Focus on the behaviour, not the wins
Her recent success might make her feel justified, so shifting the focus from the money to the behaviour (like disrupted sleep, constant thoughts about betting, or mood swings) can help avoid sounding judgmental.
3. Learn more together
Sometimes when people understand how addiction works including how dopamine and reward cycles drive repeated behaviour it helps disarm the “I can stop whenever I want” defence.
There are excellent resources on gambling addiction, and reading them together can spark conversation without pointing fingers.
4. Suggest healthy substitutes
Can she channel that thrill or excitement into something else, like competitive games, sports, or even a savings/investment challenge?
It is not about removing the thrill, but redirecting it into something sustainable.
5. Set financial boundaries
If shared accounts or finances are involved, gently propose limits or budgeting strategies to avoid enabling larger losses down the line. This can be a joint effort that reinforces trust.
6. Consider professional help
If things keep escalating, do not hesitate to look into counselling, both for her and for you.
You could even suggest a therapist under the pretence of “strengthening communication” rather than “fixing” her.
You are not alone in this and your instincts to step in early are wise.
*************
Past flame rekindles irresistible spark
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am a woman aged 45, and have been married for the past 20 years.
I recently met my ex-boyfriend whom I dated before I got married, and the spark is still there.
We did not break up, but he went to college overseas and we lost communication.
We were so happy to see each other after so long.
We exchanged numbers and caught up over lunch.
My problem is that we can’t stop texting each other.
I am trying by all means not to meet him again.
My husband is a loving men who takes care and supports the family, and if he finds out it would break him.
Would it hurt to meet him one more time for closure?
Tete Joyie Says:
It sounds like you are standing at a very emotionally complex crossroads, a part of your past unexpectedly reawakening feelings you thought were long behind you, while your present is grounded in a loving, stable partnership you have built over decades.
That is not a small weight to carry.
When you say you are seeking closure, it is worth gently asking yourself: what kind of closure would actually come from another meeting?
Are you hoping to lay things to rest . . . or are you hoping to keep something quietly alive, even if unintentionally?
Because when emotions from the past resurface like this, they don’t always fade.
After “one last” conversation, they often grow more tangled.
Your instinct to hold back from meeting again is telling.
That hesitation is your inner compass trying to protect what you value.
Even emotional intimacy through texting, let alone meeting, can chip away at the trust and emotional bond with your husband not because your love for him is any less, but because attention and energy are finite, and how we invest them matters.
Here is one gentle alternative: try writing a letter you never send.
Pour every feeling, every curiosity, every “what if” into it.
Let it be raw and real.
And once it is all on paper . . . sit with it.
Often, the very act of writing brings the clarity and release we seek from someone else.
You clearly care about both people in your life, but it is just as important to care for yourself your integrity, your peace of mind, your emotional safety.
If things still feel blurry, talking to a counsellor, even alone, can help untangle the threads so you can move forward without regret.
You are not alone in this. How are you feeling now about the texting like it is something you could step back from, or is it pulling at you more each day?
That might help frame the next step.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
