Online Reporter
Moreblessing Ncube
A FAWCETT security guard who was supposed to protect property is now the star of a Bulawayo comedy of errors and a living warning of the dangers of being an intellectually challenged criminal, the kind who practically leaves breadcrumbs leading straight to his own arrest.
Chrispen Tawanda Mashingaidze (27) of Barbourfields in Bulawayo was arrested three times after allegedly stealing three times from a workshop then selling the loot online like a man begging to be caught. His case has quickly become the textbook example of how dull criminals turn petty crime into career-ending disaster. He is a red hot contender for “World’s Dumbest Criminal.”
He appeared before a Bulawayo magistrate Challenge Mahembe facing charges of stealing property worth $1 052. He pleaded not guilty and was remanded in custody until 27 November. Even his plea in court sounded confused considering what happened next. He tripped over his own story before the court even tried to test it.
According to prosecutor Cynthia Lunga, Mashingaidze broke into Simbarashe Chipwanya’s workshop between 31 May and 2 June and helped himself to two car batteries, a diagnostic machine, and regassing gauges neatly packed in a blue case. Instead of lying low, he boldly advertised the loot on Facebook Marketplace.
Chipwanya, spotting his property online, pretended to be an interested buyer and alerted the police. Officers set up an ambush, swooped in, and arrested the guard, recovering all the goods worth $686. A simple moment that proved how dull crime backfires instantly and brutally.
You’d think he would have learnt his lesson. He didn’t.
During the same period, he allegedly sneaked back into the same workshop and took an HP printer, an Exide battery, a welding machine, and an HP CPU monitor. Again, he posted them online like weekly specials. Again, Chipwanya played along. Again, police ambushed him. All items, worth $600, were recovered.
Still undeterred, on 3 August he allegedly hit another workshop and stole an HP CPU monitor, Samsung screen, black keyboard, and mouse. He advertised them online once more. Chipwanya saw the post and probably sighed before calling police for the third ambush. By then, officers joked that the danger of being a dull criminal is that even the victims can schedule your arrest like a routine meeting.
Everything worth $350 was recovered.
In total, Mashingaidze allegedly stole $1 052 worth of goods and advertised every last item right where the owner could see. B-Metro woefully failed to find another example worldwide of a man committing the same crime the same way against the same person and getting caught the same way three times.
If persistence was a crime, he would be guilty on all counts. But as it stands, the true crime on display is the perilous art of being an unintelligent criminal, a path that leads nowhere but straight back into handcuffs.
derick.khumalo