Online Reporter
You Can’t Make This Up!
IF there was ever an award for the laziest criminal mastermind of the year, Matthew Makaza (30) would be polishing it right now — that is if he was not serving an 18-month prison sentence.
Makaza landed himself in trouble after what can only be described as a textbook case of how not to steal a car.
On the night of September 26, 2025, around 9.30pm, the unsuspecting owner of a silver Nissan March parked his vehicle at a relative’s home in Zimre Park, Ruwa.
In a lapse many motorists are guilty of, he left the passenger door unlocked.
Enter Makaza.
Sometime after the vehicle was parked, Makaza allegedly slipped into the car under cover of darkness and drove off. No smashed window. No dramatic hotwiring scene. Just an unlocked door and a man with questionable ambition. About 30 minutes later, the vehicle’s disappearance was noticed and reported to the police. What followed, however, suggests that Makaza’s escape plan did not extend beyond “drive first, think later”.
By around 2am, barely five hours after the theft, the complainant made a surprising discovery along Rukweza Road — still within Zimre Park. There, parked quietly as if nothing had happened was his missing Nissan March.
And inside? Not a stripped shell of a car abandoned by a sophisticated syndicate.
Not a high-speed escape artist long gone across provincial borders.
But Makaza himself — sprawled in the back seat, fast asleep. Yes. Asleep. Makaza had apparently decided that the stolen vehicle doubled as convenient overnight accommodation.
The car radio had been disconnected, suggesting at least some effort to profit from the escapade. But that was as far as the criminal enterprise went. A search of the suspect led to the recovery of a wallet containing US$25 and bank cards belonging to a relative of the vehicle owner.
In court, Makaza was convicted of motor vehicle theft. He was sentenced to three years’ imprisonment, with 12 months suspended for good behaviour and a further six months suspended on condition that he pays US$250 in restitution. That leaves him with an effective 18-month prison sentence — considerably longer than his five-hour joyride.
So, instead of cruising the streets of Ruwa, Makaza will now be cruising the corridors of Chikurubi — on foot.
