Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
I became pregnant, and my boyfriend broke up with me because I refused to have an abortion.
After that, I moved out of my parents’ house since they strongly disapprove of sex before marriage.
I managed to find a place to rent, where I now share accommodation with a bachelor.
At first, I only saw him occasionally — after work or on weekends when I was doing laundry. I never mentioned my pregnancy. Eventually, when he noticed that I was expecting, he gave me a pet name and sometimes brought me takeaways.
On one occasion, when his family visited, he jokingly introduced me as his girlfriend, but he never clarified to them that it was a joke. What worries me most is that he recently bought a stroller and a baby camp cot, saying they were gifts for my unborn child.
I am uncertain about his true intentions toward me, and I am unable to ask him directly. Should I simply play along?
Tete Joyie Says:
Thank you for sharing something so personal. It sounds like you are carrying a lot right now, both emotionally and practically. Let us break this down carefully:
What is happening
Your situation: You are pregnant, living independently, and sharing a house with a bachelor who has started showing interest in you and your baby.
His actions: Pet names, food gestures, introducing you as his girlfriend (without clarifying it was a joke), and buying baby items.
Your concern: You don’t know his intentions, and you feel unsure whether to “play along.”
Things to consider:
Mixed signals: His behaviour could mean genuine care, attraction, or simply kindness but without clarity, it’s risky to assume.
Boundaries: You are in a vulnerable stage. Accepting gifts is fine, but letting him define your role (girlfriend, partner, co-parent) without your consent can complicate things.
Your needs: Right now, your priority is stability, emotional safety, and preparing for your baby. Anything that adds confusion or pressure may not serve you well.
What you can do:
Seek clarity gently: Even if it feels awkward, you deserve to know where he stands. You don’t have to confront him harshly something simple like, “I appreciate your kindness, but I want to understand what you mean when you call me your girlfriend or buy baby things.”
Protect your space: If you are not ready for a relationship, make that clear. Gratitude for his support doesn’t mean you owe him emotional commitment.
Support system: Since your parents are not supportive, consider leaning on trusted friends, relatives, or community groups for emotional and practical help. You should not feel isolated.
Think long-term: Playing along without clarity could lead to misunderstandings later. It’s better to set expectations now than to untangle them when the baby arrives.
You don’t have to “play along.” You have every right to pause, observe, and ask for clarity. His gestures may be kind, but your safety emotional and practical comes first.
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