BAR TALK: Of obvious prophecies and mangled estates

With Bra Gee
Who are they? Instead of “Who am I?” this week we bring you a prophecy. But we will still play our game as you figure out who the targets are.

No prize for guessing the one trying to preempt scandals, which leaves only one standing. We must admit that at the usual place we do not think much of that one either or even the one prophesying himself. But get it from the horse’s mouth:

“I saw in a vision a flag, the Lord said that’s the flag of Zimbabwe. In the vision behold there were three trees, but of the three trees only one had roots, the other two were standing, but had no roots.

The Lord said look again and when I looked the other tree had fallen, and another tree was about to fall. The Lord said take this message to Zimbabwe and tell them, I am cleaning up Prophets in their nation, and the work has already began. The three trees represent the three well known prophets in that nation, one who has already fallen and the other about to fall harder than the first.

This is because the other two were trees without roots, of the three known prophets only one will remain standing, and it shall be known it’s because I sent him.

The one about to fall, it shall shock and shake the nation, it shall be a big embarrassment, crowds will disappear from his church. You shall read about him in the papers, you shall watch him on international news, scandals are going to start coming out.

People who have known things about him and remained quiet shall start speaking.

I see his people running around, I see papers with his name moving from one office to another, I see people desperate to clean his image, can his image be cleaned?

The Lord God Almighty said warn the people of Zimbabwe not to stand in the way of what God wants to do, if people in high offices, politicians, police force and people in positions of power are not careful their names shall be dragged in the mud for helping evil to prevail.

I see many job losses as people are released from work, I see people packing their items from offices after being fired for taking bribes from a man who claims to be a prophet. How can you say “Let there be light” when you are surrounded by darkness? The Lord is asking. I am raising men and women who shall be bold to question this prophet, I’m raising journalists, who will only stand for the truth, as these men and women advance my cause of exposing evilness, I the Lord shall also advance their cause.

Tell Zimbabwe to move away from idolising prophets, whom they are not sure where their power comes from? Who told you he is my Prophet? Did I not speak in Matthew 7 vs 21-23. Was he not warned? Let there be true light! I leave it at that.” Message by Prophet TB Joshua last week during his live service.

Desperate women

We spoke about the men in this country not doing their job last week. We are not sure what the excuse is. Maybe it is stress.

Maybe it is too many side dishes. Maybe it is just sheer incompetence, we do not know.

But we must confess that we have been shattered by the sheer number of unhappy women in the country. Think of it whether you go with the third of a million gross overestimation or the more realistic several ten thousands; the number of women who turned up says it all.

All these females giving up irredeemable hours of their lives to listen to words of comfort and encouragement.

You will applaud our unusual restraint in not including a certain four-letter word beginning with L and ending with S which in this instance we could have juxtaposed with the word “outright”.

But our beef today is with the men. If your significant other was caught on camera crying, jumping up and down or in any other way showing spiritual ecstasy at that all night do, what does that say about you?

Not that a lot of men care, seeing as they used the free time granted by absent spouses to relive their bachelor days.

But getting back to women caught in the lenses, we were surprised to see some sisters who sell intangible goods at the usual places right there in the middle of the scene. We are also reliably informed that a number of side dishes also swelled up the crowds.

Now here is the question; if the night was about praying for your hooks to sink true into a man so that he can never more wriggle away, what will it mean if the prayers of the side dishes are answered? And in cases like one brought to our attention where both the main and side dish spent the night in fervent prayer for the man to be theirs?

At the usual place we are not really surprised by the ability of anyone to pull together a crowd of women after promising them Nollywood style dramas in which the mistress is always an evil witch who will be turned into a dog or snake by the prophet’s divine powers.

So now what we would like to see is a prophet who can gather a multitude of men to pray for their marital bliss, not their pockets. That would be a miracle worth drinking to indeed and maybe then we would have new hope for the afflicted institution of marriage.

Estate Blues

We must say that we are really intrigued by the story of the estate. And everything that we have heard has just made us ask more questions instead of making this clearer.

First of all, there is the other widow. Is she the first or second widow? Why did she remain in the shadows for so long? Surely there are many channels where she could have made her presence felt before now.

Which leads us to the second question as to just what the term marriage means in this complex case.

Is there anyone here with that iron clad document that says a person has pledged to “forsake all others” which nullifies all other claims of widow rights?

Then the third question is what exactly does the law say about tempering with or getting rid of documents containing the supposed final wishes of a dead person?

Because for the regulars it begins to look like there is no big deal in burning the blasted document if it does not say all the money comes to you and to hell with the illegitimates, unless some of those same pesky upstarts with inflated senses of entitlement are going to start making noise. But then you simply do not tell them where the money is and you let them hunt for it. A real sweet deal, wouldn’t you say?

Last Call: Easter one liners

Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?

A: He was a little chicken!

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Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?

A: It might crack up!

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Q: How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?

A: He said it was eggs-cellent!

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Q: What’s the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

A: Hare mail!