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Laina Makuzha LOVE by DESIGN
The fourth quarter of the year is often awash with weddings and celebrations. I am inspired by this season, to cover a topic that hopefully resonates with those who are currently preparing to tie the knot, newly weds or just anyone desiring to marry some day.
What you need to know about marriage before tying the knot:
Building a strong foundation for marriage in today’s world is no fluke. It takes deliberate effort and right priorities for any given couple to accomplish their marriage and life goals.
In an era where relationships seem to come and go on the whim of societal trends, the idea of a lifelong commitment may appear outdated. However, deep-rooted values and timeless principles can guide us towards the formation of strong, enduring connections,which what many couples are aiming for when they say “I do”.
So where does one begin really? How can a couple go about creating a strong relationship and marriage that can be emulated?
Author and marriage counsellor, Davison Kanokanga says in one of his early books “Before You Tie The Knot:
Do not make the mistake of getting married without understanding what marriage is” and I tend to agree.
As we explore what it takes for romantic couples to embark on the journey of marriage, we will emphasise the importance of proactively building a solid foundation and embracing God’s purpose for unions that stand the test of time.
Understanding the changing dynamics of marriage
Far from being an archaic notion, marriage today continues to hold immense value especially in the development and sustenance of strong families. To ensure a successful marriage experience however, couples must be equipped with the knowledge and understanding of the shifting dynamics within their relationship.
Couples can establish a foundation of respect and appreciation for each other by recognising that marriage is about the union of two unique individuals, often from different backgrounds, different upbringing — each with their strengths, weaknesses, and desires.
Embracing open communication and fostering empathy to comprehend each other’s needs can sustain the bond throughout life’s ups and downs and can be a journey of exciting discovery and learning from each other and genuinely being in each other’s corner, being each other’s cheerleader.
Shutting each other out on the other hand, only drives a wedge between two people that can easily grow and before you know it, you have allowed the ruining of your “happily-ever-after” journey.
Setting realistic expectations
Marriage is not a fairy tale, but a brilliant journey to be enjoyed, cherished, and nurtured by yourselves more than anyone else. To achieve this, couples must be mindful of setting realistic expectations, knowing that even those “rainy” days are part of life,and if handled well, can strengthen a couple’s bond as they learn to endure together.
The grand gestures and initial infatuation that often precede marriage may fade over time, but a deeper, more profound love can blossom in its place. It is essential to communicate openly, understand that growth is a continuous process, and embrace the reality that love requires commitment and effort from both partners.
Cultivating shared values
Know what you want to achieve together, and be mindful of external influence in your union. For a marriage to flourish, it must be rooted in shared values and common objectives, not too many voices of other people merely interfering.
Couples should invest time in understanding each other’s beliefs, dreams, and aspirations. By identifying shared values, couples can build a robust moral compass that guides their mutual decisions and actions. This shared foundation ensures that even in tumultuous times, they remain a united front.
The role of God in marriage
God plays a crucial role in marriage, and acknowledging this can bring an unshakable sense of purpose and divine guidance.
A marriage rooted in faith draws strength from the divine wisdom and teachings that transcend all challenges. As the Bible states in Ecclesiastes 4:9, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” This scripture is one of many that underscore the power of unity and the blessings that come with a God-centred union.
Nurturing the relationship
A successful marriage requires continuous effort, mindfulness, and an unwavering commitment to the partnership. Couples can nurture their relationship by fostering friendship, intimacy, and trust.
Prioritising quality time for each other, engaging in meaningful conversations, and undertaking shared activities can deepen the connection even further. By continually investing in their bond, couples can fortify their relationship against the challenges that may arise.
Seeking support and professional guidance
Nobody is an expert in all aspects of life, and seeking support is a sign of strength. Whether through pre-marital counselling, marriage workshops, or mentorships, couples can benefit from proper outside guidance. The book “Before You Tie The Knot by Davison Kanokanga” for instance, is a great and compact resource for those preparing for marriage, complete with definitions of what marriage is and what it’s not, exercises for couples and important questions as well as busting some myths about marriage.
I have had the opportunity to access amazing local and international resources on marriage and relationships.
In Zimbabwe, renowned spiritual leaders and marriage counsellors such as Apostle Godfrey Kudita, Pastors Emelda and Leo Tsumba,
Apostle Florence Kanyathi and Davison and Gwendoline Kanokanga among others, have put forward much work to help couples, with some of them developing timeless resources for anyone serious about improving their marriage.
These resources help equip couples with the tools needed to navigate complexities, address conflicts productively, and find meaningful solutions to ensure the longevity of their union.
As we wrap up for this week, rest assured that despite the ever-changing landscape of relationships, marriage remains a vital institution and there’s no shame if you find you have a desire to settle down.
I do pray you receive your God given spouse, and I say: Be it done unto you according to God’s Will. And as marriage was established by God Himself, the Creator — it is never “out of fashion” or “outdated” as some may have us believe. By embracing the principles of respect, communication, shared values, and a foundation anchored in faith, couples can lay the groundwork for a successful and enduring relationship or marriage.
Therefore, let love, commitment, and God’s purpose in marriage guide couples towards a lifetime of happiness, companionship, and fulfilment. As always, I treasure your views and input on the topic, don’t keep it to yourself — someone else may also benefit when you share your thoughts. so let’s keep the conversation going.
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