adminDear Coleen
I AM 21 and my boyfriend is 29 and has a little girl from his previous relationship.
We have been together for 18 months and he split up from his ex two years ago. My problem is, she still constantly texts and calls him, asking him to meet her for drinks and if he wants to spend the night with her.
I know when we first started dating he slept with her and that didn’t bother me at the time because our relationship was still young and not serious.
However, it bothers me now that I have found he is keeping things from me and not telling me the whole truth about her texts.
I understand they have a child together and will always be a part of each other’s lives, but I just wish she would realise he’s moved on and leave us alone.
How do I tell him that I don’t want him talking to her unless it’s about their child without causing an argument?
Coleen says
You might not be able to tell him without causing an argument, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell him.
She is being completely out of order and I’m guessing she’ll carry on regardless unless he tells her that he’s interested in talking to her only about arrangements for their daughter.
Stop being scared and tell him exactly how you feel.
Good on you for realising the importance of his relationship with his daughter, but that’s all it should be about – not his continuing relationship with his ex.
If he doesn’t see your point of view, then I’d think very carefully about trying to make a future with him.
If she texts asking him to spend the night with her, why don’t you reply and make it clear that he doesn’t want to do that because he’s spending the night – and every other night with you. – Mirror.
Dear Coleen
My boyfriend is a thief, but I don’t want to lose him what should I do?
I am in an awkward situation. My beloved boyfriend of two years has been stealing money from his work, and although he denies it to everyone, it is obvious that it is him.
The thing is, I don’t want to challenge him because our relationship is really working out and I don’t want to do anything to ruin it.
However, because I am sticking up for him, it is turning people against me. It is a real dilemma and I would appreciate it if you can advise me in any way.
Coleen says
Why do you want to be in a relationship with a thief? Surely knowing he does this must affect how you feel about him – how can you respect him?
And of course you will get tarred with the same brush because, by doing nothing, you are in effect condoning his behaviour – that is how other people will see it.
They don’t love him like you do – to them he is just a thief and you are sticking up for him. And what will you do if he gets caught?
If he carries on, it will be only a matter of time before he does get found out. And then what will your friends say?
Probably “I told you so” and you can’t blame them because it sounds like they’ve tried to warn you.
You can’t avoid talking to him about it – ask him why he’s doing it.
Does he have financial worries?
Is it just greed or the thrill of it that he enjoys? Has it become an addiction?
Maybe confronting him will ruin your relationship, but what kind of relationship will you have if he’s behind bars? None at all.
You have to think about your future and if you stick with him while he’s stealing, then you’ll have to accept that he’s probably capable of lying about other things.
Are you prepared to get a house with him and share bills? Can you commit to someone so untrustworthy?
You can’t get away from the fact that what he’s doing is criminal and you might just need those friends you’re alienating right now when it all blows up in his face. – Mirror.
Online Reporter