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Pastor Kilton Moyo
Marriage is a result of love. It is founded and built on love and therefore runs, functions, operates and lives on love and by love.
Love is not only the colour and blood of life but it is life itself. When you take away love from human relationships there is nothing else to talk about. Any marital relationship not built on love for each other as spouses has no foundation and will fall at any hurdle. It is my view that one of the biggest duties in marriage for the two spouses is building their love towards each other.
This is the salvation of marriage in times such as these where the Bible clearly tells us that the love of many will go cold. Humanity has no patience in building. This generation, I have said it in the past, is very good in destroying. But, I can tell you that we have a duty to build love in our marriages, families and communities. My challenge is that there is more fear than love in our communities. There is fear in marriage than love as couples conflict over many unnecessary things and seek to dominate each other.
In marriage, the desire should be to love and not dominate. Marriage is about loving and not dominating and competing. It is sad that many couples are competing against each other and play a lot of politics in seeking to counter each other. That is no longer marriage. When couples spend energy and time playing blame games and cheating on each other and looking for faults, marriage is under attack. You see, marriage does not fail but people fail. What causes us to fail is not external things but largely the things in us. Our attitudes, emotions, feelings and desires can be a snare to many of us.
When I was growing up as a young boy, I had resolved I was not going to marry. I saw nothing in marriage then that inspired me and I could not understand a lot of things. But when, I got married, I promised myself I was going to do things differently.
I tried but before I knew it, I fell into the same traps until the Lord came down and lifted me up. When I turned and began to learn from God, then I understood marriage and this is the reason I come to you every Sunday with some messages of hope and victory.
One thing I have learnt is that fear destroys relationships but love sustains them no matter the challenges. Many lives are governed by fear. Many couples are governed by fear. The fear of failure, fear of in-laws, fear of being beaten up, fear of divorce, fear of death, fear of being left out in the cold and many others. When you are bound by such fear, love finds it hard to work. Many other spouses seek to be feared by their spouses.
In any marriage, where you hear, see and eat fear, the future is bleak. You cannot build anything romantic based on fear. If you look closely these days, there is serious lack of trust in marriage and this opens doors not only to fear but to manipulation of each other. Everyone is fighting from a selfish corner for selfish gains. This destroys the unity necessary to grow love and your relationship.
Can I ask you a question? Do you fear your spouse? When you are afraid to tell them something because they might shout at you or do something, then that is fear. When you cannot be free to make mistakes, then that is fear. When you cannot make and take a decision on anything when they are not there, then that is fear. How afraid are you of your spouse? Please check yourself based on these three suggested issues and if you find out there is some fear, start today to kick it out.
Where there is love there is hope and liberty even to make mistakes and take foolish decisions. The marriage environment should be such that couples are allowed to be human so they can be encouraged. Love allows you to be yourself and to learn by making mistakes and being corrected in love. My thinking is that we should as couples invest in building our love for each other in marriage. We should spend time encouraging each other more than blaming each other. We should spend time praising each other’s efforts than grumbling and pulling each other down. Love sees what is good. Love will ignore mistakes.
That is why when people are dating; they see nothing else but angels in each other. In marriage love is expected to mature and ignore human faults that can divide couples. In any marriage, where our mistakes are always discussed and highlighted and broadcasted, love suffers and unity is thrown out of the window.
Beloved, if we do not pay attention to our love for each other, it will soon grow cold. We have to keep it hot by working on it. Create an environment of love at home and love. If you perfectly love, fear will not reside in your environment. Perfect love will cast out fear. Your spouse must not fear you but respect and honour you. You will agree with me that a lot of us need to be helped in loving their spouses. Loving your spouse can be learnt and you have every opportunity to learn and become the best you ever wanted to be. This is the reason why at Fruitful Marriages we do seminars to help couples with all these things. You can grow your love and build your relationship to another level. Marriage was meant to be Heaven on earth.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment program and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or +263 712 384 841. email, [email protected]
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