tawandamusarurwa
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a happily married father of two. I live in the same city as my younger brother and we always look out for each other when need arises.
A fortnight ago, he came to ask for my spare car because he had taken his to a mechanic for repairs. I gave him the vehicle with a full tank of fuel because I know he is a responsible person. His car was brought back after two days, but up to now it is just parked, and he is using mine. I asked him why and he said his car still had some problems. I spoke to the mechanic out of concern, assuming he could have faced a challenge in trying to get spare parts and I could be of help to him. The response I got from him made me unhappy. He told me that his car was repaired and that my brother continues using mine because it has a lot of fuel. I do not like such dishonesty. Why bite the hand that feeds you? Amai, I want him to return my car right away. How can I do so without exploding?
Response
I am very well. Thanks for asking. It is very refreshing to hear of happy marriages.
Keep the fire burning. I also want to commend you for always looking out for each other, which is what family is for.
This is very rare these days. In my view, there is nothing to explode over. Do not build a storm in a teacup. All you need to do is to simply tell him what the mechanic told you and kindly ask him to bring back the car.
Do not treat it like gossip. He is your beloved younger brother. Tell him off when he is wrong and call a spade a spade. It is the only way to preserve your relationship. If need be, tell him to top up the fuel when he returns the car. He was selfish and unfair, and needs to be called out on it. I wish you all the best.
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My sister is dishonest
I am a 44-year-old father of three boys. I am married and I have four siblings — two sisters and two brothers in all. Our parents are retired teachers; they stay at the family home in one of the suburbs in the city. The last born in our family is a single mother of a child who is at primary school. She still stays at the family home by choice, although there are two employed helpers there. My sister calls herself the home overseer.
As siblings, we take turns to contribute towards the welfare of our parents, but she does nothing. My mother confided in me that my sister even takes part of the money meant for our parents in order to pay fees for her daughter.
When she is asked to collect money from an agency to pay the domestic workers, she shortchanges them every now and again. I spoke to my other siblings and we resolved that she should never be in a position to receive money and distribute it unless it is an emergency. The question that remains is: How do we implement this without causing problems?
Response
Well done for looking after your retired parents. It shows you were well brought up. You did not tell me why the sister who stays at the family home is not contributing anything towards your parents’ welfare when she is gainfully employed. Is it the family’s choice or is it by default? I also believe when issues arise within a family unit, you should be able to take them head-on and discuss them openly. I think you should have a family meeting, where the so-called overseer can be called to order and you strategise on how you want the home run.
It is fortunate that the true owners of the home are alive. Let them voice their concerns. Short-changing the domestic workers is pure evil. If your sister feels unhappy about the meeting, she can look for alternative accommodation if she so wishes. I hope you will be able to embrace one another after the meeting. Families are precious. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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I overreacted
I am a 55-year-old father of four adult children. Three months ago, we discovered that our last born had been impregnated. This did not go down well with me. I was very upset because I always thought my daughter would be a great career woman in the future. She was doing her second year at a local university. We engaged her Tete to deal with this issue, but she told us that the guy was not interested in her. I did not think twice; I just told Tete to take her to the guy’s home.
My wife cried and pleaded with me not to do so, but I did not listen. Last week, someone who stays near where my daughter is came to inform us that our daughter was not in good health and nobody seems to care about her. The guy has since left his parents’ home. I am more than worried and I cannot forgive myself. Amai, is it proper to bring her back home when nothing has been paid?
Response
Dear writer, your letter made my reading very sad. When you engaged Tete, she told you the truth that your daughter was not welcome. Why do you now act as if you did not know this from the very onset? It is dangerous to impose your daughter on people who do not love her.
Some have been killed or maimed because of this practice. Your wife persuaded you not to send her away but you ignored her. It is very unfortunate that your daughter ended up in this situation.
It is indeed heartbreaking but kicking her out was not an option, especially when the boyfriend was not interested in marrying her. Your daughter is not on sale, so let vanatete bring her back, even if nothing has been paid. She needs medical attention as you hear she is not well. As a father, you are saddened because blood is thicker than water.
After the child is born, she can go to a civil court to claim maintenance. Learning does not end. Your daughter can always continue with her educational programme and be whatever she wishes to become.
Do not let this unfortunate incident tear you and your wife apart. I suggest she goes for professional counselling when she comes back.
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