Chat with Sis Noe: My lover experiments with lesbians

Hi Sis Noe
I HAVE a serious problem Sis Noe. I live with my girlfriend and I now regret inviting her to come and live with me.

The problem is that she squanders my money, has no sense of responsibility and cheats on me. To make matters worse her parents are always asking for money and they interfere in our affairs. Her friends have also told me that she sleeps around with a lot with men and she also experiments with lesbian sex. I want her out of my life. I have threatened to dump her and one time she wanted to hang herself when I told her it’s over. — Worried.

Reply
If she wants to kill herself then let her kill herself. Just make sure she does not kill herself in your house. Go to the police and tell them of the predicament you are in. Telling the police will help you to avoid problems and accusations that may arise later. There is a strong possibility that her parents will blame you for her death, hell they might even accuse you of killing her. You also need to think clearly and calmly.

You need to look at your whole life and cut out any rubbish that is bringing you down. There is no doubt in my mind that inviting your troubled girlfriend to move in with you was a massive mistake. From what you say she is unstable and out of control and her problems are not your problems. Maybe her parents did breathe a sigh of relief when you took her off their hands, but as you have now reached the end of your tether; it’s time to back off. I suggest you take the initiative and get all her stuff together.

Then politely ask her where she could like it put because she isn’t welcome at your place any longer. Whatever happens, you cannot allow her parents to use you anymore. If she has mental health problems, then she must go to a psychiatric hospital. If the fact of the matter is that she is selfish, immature and badly behaved, then she is eventually going to find out the hard way that being an idiot really doesn’t pay in the long run.

Hi Sis Noe
My wife is refusing to have sex with me. At first she was saying she was not feeling comfortable having sex because we used to live with my mother. My mother has moved out and now my wife claims that she has a bad back. She says she loves me and we will have sex when she recovers but I am beginning to have my doubts. I think she is cheating on me. — Help.

Reply
There is no doubt in my mind that your wife has lost her sexual confidence. If you and she have got out of the habit of making love, then this is a big step for her. Maybe she is ashamed of her body, doesn’t feel sexy or is worried about what you expect from her sexually. Why don’t you go back to basics with a few date nights, get her dressed up and make her feel desired again. This could be an exciting new start for both of you. Take the time to give her a hug and kiss and tell her that she is wonderful and that you are proud of her and love her to death. She will also open up and tell you what is wrong. If this does not result in a change, if this does not get you laid then by all means you have a right to have doubts. She might be cheating and you will need to investigate to find out what really is going on.

Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend has a disturbing past and I am thinking of dumping her. I don’t know if I am wrong. She has slept with over 20 men and has eloped twice with different men. She also has two children. At first I was told by my sister, but I didn’t believe her so I then confronted my girlfriend and she confessed. One of her children is being raised by her other sister while the other child is with his father. Our relationship was not yet serious but we wanted to be committed before I discovered that she is not as innocent as she wanted me to believe. What must I do? — Worried.

Reply
I also think it’s worrying that your girlfriend didn’t tell you about her colourful past. It was only when your sister waded in and told you that she confessed. How remiss of her to forget such important factors. Don’t be in a hurry to make any form of commitment to this complicated woman. Vow to take one day at a time. Tell her that you like her and enjoy spending time in her company but aren’t willing to move up the relationship ladder just yet. Make it clear that you are not judging her on her past experiences; it’s just that you prefer to make up your own mind about a person. The fact of the matter is that many of us make stupid mistakes when we are young. We get carried away with ourselves and act like idiots.

At least now (hopefully) you know her full story. Now she needs to have patience while she proves to you that she can be trusted this time around. Take the time to talk to her. Be honest and explain that there is no rush. If you and she are meant to be together then it will happen. But you need to take things slowly and tread carefully. If you are not comfortable there is nothing stopping you from running to the hills. Move on if you cannot tolerate her past. If you are going to stay then do not use her past as a stick to beat her. She didn’t tell you because she didn’t want you to have the wrong impression about her. She is a new person.

Hi Sis Noe
My boss knows that I am single and lonely and sexually frustrated because one of my friends who is close to him told him. Now the problem is that he has invited me to his house for sex. I don’t know what to do. A part of me wants to have sex with him because it’s been a year since I had sex, the other part doesn’t want to. I am afraid that if I refuse he will start frustrating me at work. — Confused.

Reply
You have to be true to yourself and stand up for what you believe in. If you are really not sure about your boss’s invitation, then tell him you cannot accept his invitation. What you can’t do is allow yourself to be bullied into unwanted sex. I am sure that your boss is trying to take advantage of you, don’t let him, you don’t owe him anything.

I would hate to think that you could even consider such a move in order to ingratiate yourself with someone powerful from work that might be useful to you. The problem is that this plan could seriously backfire. You clearly don’t trust him and this is not the game for you. Stop thinking about a year of no sex and count your blessings instead and think about all the good things in your life. Then vow to face 2016 with new ideas, important resolutions and a fresh approach to life.