Tinaye Agere
ATTEMPTS by a 28-year-old man from Hwange, Shylock Zulu, to reinvent himself as the GOAT (greatest of all time) thief in Zimbabwe by literally stealing a goat and selling the meat to its owner did not work out as planned and boomeranged spectacularly.
Zulu reportedly targeted a male goat owned by Thabani Sibanda.
The plan? Steal the goat, slaughter it and then — brace yourself — sell the meat to its rightful owner for the princely sum of US$15.
But wait, there is more.
To seal the deal, Zulu decided to label the stolen goat meat as an exotic “bush buck” delicacy.
Unfortunately for Zulu, Sibanda was not exactly buying his tall tale about the mysterious bush buck that had conveniently turned up at a time when he could not locate one of his goats.
Smelling a rat — or, in this case, a goat — Sibanda promptly reported the matter to the police. Apparently, the police did not need Sherlock Holmes to track down Shylock.
What followed was a textbook investigation that led straight to our mampara.
For his troubles, Zulu appeared before a Hwange magistrate, where the long arm of the law caught up with his short-lived goat hustle.
He was condemned to six months in prison, three of which were suspended for five years on condition of good behaviour, while the remaining three were suspended on condition he pays restitution of a whopping ZiG1 059 to Sibanda.
We salute Zulu for proving that even in the world of stock theft, it is possible to hit new lows. And so, Zulu is now paying the price for trying to “kid” his way into easy money.
In his rush to cash in, he learned the hard way that when you mess with the goat, you might just get butted by the law.
For his cheesy heist, Zulu has been left in a real bleat of trouble! He is not the GOAT after all. He can, however, count himself lucky for not getting nine years for stock theft.
Online Reporter