adminAnne Ruthenburg Marriage Doctor
HELLO there readers, I hope you had a great week, or should I say a better week than me! Time is moving way too fast for me.
Okay, so this week we are still on the mistresses. But let me make it clear, folks, I am not on the side of mistresses or cheats or anything or anyone involved in such terrible activities. I am totally against anyone who chooses (it is a choice) to destroy other people’s families, whether innocently or not. But I was a victim whose marriage ended because of my husband having affairs, and I wish I was told the signs to look for then. I wish I was also told how to make sure my husband gets at home what he might get out there. I was barely out of my teens, but it really would have made a difference. So for that fact maybe next week, I will give a chance for the mistresses, etc, to share some things that might assist us in our relationships. But of course it is not guaranteed.
Note : The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the subject and do not reflect the Marriage Dr or the newspaper.
Okay, folks, so I had several so-called mistresses contacting me to say the following:
Shamiso – Thank you for allowing me to voice my opinion in the paper. Yes, I am a mistress or cheat or whatever. I do not have an excuse for doing this now, but it did not start by choice.
My mother encouraged me to give it a go by giving attention to this businessman who kept asking about me from my mother. Then he started bringing groceries home and all sorts of things. My mother is a single woman and she has struggled to feed us all our lives. So when this man started taking an interest in me, my mom thought this is the way out. She knew he had a wife because he had told her. But he said his tradition allowed him to have another wife. I was in school at the time. He paid for my fees as well as for my siblings. He paid for our rent, food, clothes, etc.
Our lives started changing even though I was not even really seeing him. He didn’t even sleep with me. He said he was respecting me until I was old enough. After I wrote my ‘O’ Levels he took the whole family to Montclair Hotel to celebrate, it was great. We all had separate rooms and that is when he deflowered me. I hated it, but he promised me so much, not just for me, but for my family – how could I refuse? My mother also started to change. She was happier and was always in a good mood. She even dressed better and started to look young again. Honestly, I never considered the wife and his other family. I was young and I believed this was how things were.
He paid lobola for me in the years to come, but it never ended in a white wedding. Apparently this is his way. He put me in a flat, furnished it, bought me a car, etc, paid off my mom’s house and all. Then all of a sudden he started staying away from us. By the time I found out he had another girl, it was too late to even ask. He changed his numbers and only sent money for his kids. I had failed my ‘O’ Levels, etc, so getting a job was something else.
I was used to living a certain life style and I also had two kids by now from him. So when he left, I went searching for another married man and that is what I am doing now. This is the only life I know and I shall continue because I do not know how to get the same life any other way.
Tambudzai – No woman wakes up in the morning to take another women’s husband. We are just ordinary women like anyone else. It is these men that are the problem. They follow us and then treat us like we are amazing. By the time we find out there is a wife, we are already in love with the fool.
Unfortunately also by then we are totally reliant on these men for our livelihood, so to stop is hard. The wives must not be fooled. It the man who goes out to look for trouble and usually they find it.
Theresa – I was cheated on so I am going to keep cheating also. Why should I die lonely when other women are enjoying with my man. I am also going to enjoy with other women’s men until I find a man for myself.
Shanaaz – I never went looking for him. He came looking for me. He offered me money and gifts. He never told me he was married until I got a call from some woman who claimed to be his wife. When I asked him, he said they were not together, so we continued. There are so many jealous women out there all claiming to be wives of men they are only going out with. As long as a man has not put a ring on the finger or paid lobola, I consider him still available.
Shiela – My man is a family man with older kids. He said his wife starves him of love and sex at home. He said that is why he comes to me. He wants to feel loved, appreciated and sexy again. He said all he is to his wife is a breadwinner, she does not treat him like she used to. Is it my fault then that he wife has forgotten her place? In fact, she should be glad that I am with him because at least I am not trying to steal him from her, as long as I am in his life he says he won’t leave her because I told him I don’t want a husband, I just want someone who can look after me.
Thandiwe – I am sick of women blaming other women for the problems they are having with their men. Girl, if you can’t keep your man, let him go because I ain’t going to fight for any man, if he is coming to my house from you, it means he is unhappy with you – let him go!
Silvia – Let me tell you, I will not risk going out with a single guy because he will cheat on me or infect me with HIV. I am safer with a married man because he has a stable life, and if he is in a marriage that means he is stable financially and secure. These young guys do not know what they want, they just want sex from us, but they do not want to look after us. I don’t want to break the marriage, I just want security.
Well readers, there you have it, all I have to say to these women is . . . one day you will be a wife too and I wish you luck because if a man cheats on his wife with you, he will definitely cheat on you with someone else. I will hold my tongue for now. Until next week, God bless!
◆ Anastasia can be contacted on 0772 933 845 (messages only).
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