Conquer the boardroom, bedroom

intention of strangling her.
His three friends quickly grabbed him, while their wives took Lindiwe into the house.

Not again! Another fun-filled day had to end pre-maturely. What was going on between Liberty and Lindiwe?

They seemed the perfect couple not only to their friends, but to a lot of people — a model couple.

They had everything money could buy.
Liberty exuded power and confidence, heading a very successful company. So too Lindiwe!
In their mid-40s, they were supposed to be enjoying life since their two sons were now in college. So, why the sudden fights?

Had they been putting up appearances?
Their friends drew blanks because both Lindiwe and Liberty were unwilling to talk.
But on this Saturday afternoon, as Lindiwe got back to her senses, she looked at the other women and with tears in her eyes said, “When you haven’t encountered a problem, it is difficult to comprehend its enormity. It’s easy to blame me. I see it in your eyes.

“At first I thought that my husband was having an affair    . . . I know he is a busy man, but how could he, just from the blues fail to make love to me? I mean, be so useless! 
“Our sex life is now zilch . . . For how long should I stand this? I have all I need, but listen girls, what I want is him. You know what I mean.
“If he can conquer the boardroom, he should do likewise in our bedroom. Whatever it is that has weakened him is affecting our marriage.
“Don’t be surprised if you hear that I have filed for divorce. I’m not a nun . . .”

Liberty on the other hand just said, “My apologies guys, I never meant to hit her, but she hurt me. I’m tired of these insults. She has to understand that it’s not deliberate. It’s not my fault. I also need answers.”
This case analysis about Liberty and Lindiwe is a classic example of marital problems encountered by multitudes of couples of different ages and classes across the length and breadth of Zimbabwe.

Their non-event bedroom lifestyles have filled up acres and acres of newspaper and magazine space.
Some of them have done the unthinkable: secretly visiting herbalists to get herbal supplements to enhance their sexual performances.

Some couples like Liberty and Lindiwe have traded accusations and counter-accusations at each other, and in the process inflicting irreparable physical and psychological damage on each other.
A large number of women like Lindiwe believe that their husbands have extra-marital affairs.

That is why they cannot perform in bed when they get home. Some of the men believe that they have been bewitched.
The million-dollar question is why do some men have sexual problems? What is the extent of this problem among Zimbabwean men, that is, how many men are affected, and where do they seek help?

According to some readings and discussions with both men and women, I realised that male sexual problems or male sexual dysfunction are an issue, for “sexual health is an important part of an individual’s overall physical and emotional well-being”.
I also learnt that the best way to deal with the problem is to have a holistic approach where those affected should be free to seek counselling and treatment from professionals.

But, what are male sexual problems, and how does one realise that they have the condition? Who in this country is treating these problems?
Male sexual dysfunction includes weak erections, impotence or erectile dysfunction (ED).
According to information on the South African website www.menshealth.co.za, “Erectile dysfunction is one type of very common sexual complaint.”

The site adds, “Of all the conditions men face, sexual problems are the most personal. Although they are very common, they are not inevitable or permanent, and today there are many modern treatments available. No matter how long a man has been experiencing a problem, it can be treated successfully.”

Another useful website used was www.mensclinic.com — the Canadian Men’s Clinic. The frequently asked questions posted by those seeking solutions give an insight into issues regarding male sexual health. Here is a sample of some of the FAQs:
l How common is erectile dysfunction (ED)? The answer given is, “It is extremely common, afflicting an estimated 30 million men in the United

States and 3 million men in Canada. About half of all men aged 40-70 have erectile dysfunction”. What are the statistics like in Zimbabwe?

• Is there one best treatment for erectile dysfunction?
• Is the treatment a cure for premature ejaculation?
• What kind of treatment is there for low libido?
• Is there treatment for weak erections?
• How do medications such as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra work? What are the possible side effects?
• Is diabetes a cause of erectile dysfunction? The response: “Diabetes is one of the medical disorders most frequently associated with erectile dysfunction. It is estimated that 35 to 59 percent of men with diabetes have ED.” This issue is an eye opener considering that a lot of people are being diagnosed with diabetes.
• Does cigarette smoking, alcohol consumption or drug use contribute to ED? Their response: “In excessive amounts, cigarette smoking, alcohol consumption and drug use can all lead to ED”.
• Will the use of prescription medicine lead to ED? The answer was, “As a side effect, some prescription medications can lead to erection problems . . .” Generally speaking, many people are now using prescription medicines.
• I’ve read that erectile dysfunction is often just “in the mind”. Is that true?
• I’m interested in seeking treatment. What’s my next step? Their answer was, “There are many options available for treating ED. Always make a decision with proper medical help. The doctors at Canadian Men’s Clinic are highly trained and offer a range of treatments and support counselling . . .”

Ambuya Mutenha (not her real name) operates a table at Mupedzanhamo market in Mbare, where she sells herbal supplements for men (mushonga wemusana – aphrodisiacs).
She said, “I do brisk business. My customers’ age ranges are from the early 20s, to elderly men in their 70s.

“You see, when a man fails to perform, he gets worried and stressed. I prescribe herbal supplements depending on the information the patient has given me.”

Asked whether she is registered with the Zimbabwe National Traditional Healers Association (Zinatha), to dispense these herbs, and the side effects of her herbal treatments, Ambuya Mutenha said, “Whether I’m registered or not is not an issue.
“Just because it is traditional medicine, you ask me about registration. So much junk is coming from abroad.

“Are they licensed?
“The most important thing is that I’m assisting a lot of men, who would otherwise be leading miserable lives.
“My herbs have also revived couples’ sexual lives, couples who could by now be divorced.”
However, a man who preferred to be called Simbarashe said, “Male sexual health problems are no respecter of age, class or race. There are a lot of issues that can affect a man’s sexual effectiveness.

“These can range from stress, death of a loved one, an accident or losing a job.
“Men are the bread winners, and if they lose their source of income, it affects not only their self-esteem, but their sexual lives as well.”
Simbarashe, however said, “The current trend where men are taking herbal supplements, the majority of which are unregistered or unauthorised is worrisome, and could worsen their problems. But rumour has it that Zimbabwe will have its first men’s health clinic modelled on the one in South Africa.

“If that is the case, this would be a welcome development. Going professional will kill the bogus operators offering aphrodisiacs which are useless and which also have unknown side effects.
“Men will get over their fears and regain their confidence. That male clinic should not look at men going crazy in bed, but look at offering male sexual health services in a professional manner.”

He added, “That way, men will look forward to quality time with their wives, and the bedroom will become a place of joy, a place where relationships are cemented instead of the prisons they are right now, for some men”.
“It’s high time we have a men’s clinic. It is a necessity.

“Other countries have it, and we will do ourselves a service if we open professional clinics that concentrate on male sexual health”, said Darlington, Simbarashe’s friend.
Darlington also said, “This is not just a men’s problem.
“Women’s support is crucial in boosting morale and ensuring that the couple unlocks that door in their marital life.”

Most churches hold couples’ meetings. Is sexual health among the issues discussed?
How are organisations such as Padare assisting men on this issue?
I also learnt that the country loses thousands of dollars each year as men of means go to countries with professionally run international men’s clinics like in South Africa, New Zealand, Canada and Australia.

If indeed a state-of-the-art men’s clinic is set up in Zimbabwe, I will ask the proprietors to heed Dr Paul Turek’s advise: “My approach to the treatment of male sexual health issues is similar to that of a vintage Ferrari: If you take the time to straighten out all the kinks, it will run hard and fast”.