Chronicle Editor
Andile Tshuma, Gender
The festive season is upon us. Happy holidays.
For most people, Christmas conjures up images of family reunions, carols by candlelight, good church services and lots of food, wine and a haze of Christmas parties. But for others, Christmas is the most feared time of the whole year. In some houses, it is the time they get to see the annual monster, the time when a mother must endure severe battering and beating because the children gave their father their Christmas Wish lists.
It’s going to be a different season altogether. Family get together gatherings are less likely as people are most probably going to observe social distancing rules and stay at home.
Parties and any such social gatherings are still prohibited under the Covid-19 regulations. There won’t be the big church gatherings usually held at this time of the year.
It will indeed be a different Christmas, many family and friends outside the country will not make it to Zimbabwe due to Covid-19 travel restrictions in their respective countries.
It will surely be a different Christmas for many.
Many people have lost their loved ones who have succumbed to Covid-19 this year. Many households are still in mourning. Some could not even attend the funerals because of Covid-19 regulations.
Some families will have fun and make the most of it despite all the misery that surrounds us.
However, for many families, the festive season is no happy time at all as it heralds hours of unending torture and Gender-Based Violence as people over-indulge in drugs and alcohol.
The Covid-19 regulations and lockdowns do not make it any easier, it means longer hours confined with violent abusers.
Many women, and some men are often let down by their loved ones during this season of merry making as the alcohol sinks in and the devils in people are unleashed.
People subject others to horrific treatment, only to blame it on the alcohol the following day.
This increase can be attributed to increasing rates of substance as it is one of the biggest drivers of GBV.
People who are grieving and may be having their first Christmas without their partner, child, family member, or have recently gone through a traumatic event such as a sexual abuse, loss of a loved one, become unemployed and financial difficulties also have a difficult time during this season and need support.
Christmas is often dubbed “the most wonderful time of the year” — but for some the festive season sparks a rise in domestic violence and theft.
Over the years, with booze flowing and families gathered under one roof, tensions can run high and lead to a spike in domestic violence.
Thefts are also on the rise over the Christmas period as people scramble to get gifts for their children and loved ones that they simply can’t afford.
Experts have warned that Christmas is one of the worst times for domestic abuse and alcohol is often to blame.
“It happens when households under financial or social stress get together and drink a lot of alcohol, said Chipo Mazango, a local social worker.
“And when you mix stress with alcohol and a bruised male ego, you often get violence. Women and children often have to bear it all, although men are found at the receiving end in some cases as traditional roles in families are changing,” she said.
As you’d imagine, the combination of financial pressure, free-flowing alcohol and being cooped up in closed quarters, exerts additional burden on relationships. In an abusive relationship, this pressure is manifold. Statistics from GBV on Covid-19 lockdowns also supports why the festive holidays can be particularly difficult for some people. It’s family time, and for some, family is not really a happy place.
Date rape is another dirty secret that characterises this season. Women go out for parties with “trusted” mates or partners but end up being drugged and sexually abused.
The infamous Vuzu parties in the city has seen many girls going home with no idea who did what to them and how.
Despite teenagers voluntarily getting themselves into risky behaviour, adult men and women also take advantage of teenagers during this time, buying them nice things, including expensive liquor, watching them get drunk and then using them for their sick satisfaction.
Yet Christmas should be the safest of times, celebrating the birth of a Saviour. You wonder if it is still a Christian holiday. While the country is on lockdown, it is a fact that some people are hosting house parties and will most probably not stop. This means that young girls will be at risk of not only Covid-19 but sexual assault as well as some of these parties are held at secret locations.
Like many victims of domestic violence, Ms Sihle Nkomo* (39), dreaded Christmas for years as it brought out the worst in her already abusive husband.
“It’s the hardest time of the year. The violence is so much more heart-breaking. Everyone ran around to make sure he didn’t get upset. Even my in-laws were getting scared of him and knew that he had some weird patterns and anger issues.
She said with booze, things often spiralled out of control.
“He would drink to enable himself to lose his temper. Alcohol was an excuse to use violence. He would drink all day and where most people would have dropped unconscious on the floor, he’d carry on. The children would be at either of our parents’ places for the Christmas holidays and we would often be alone.
The lights would be on but there would be nobody home. He’d just end up beating me up after picking on me and being angered by every response to whatever he asked,” Ms Nkomo said.
She said she got the courage to leave him and he then sought help from Enkundleni Men’s forum on Gender and is on the mend.
“We are trying to mend our relationship. We spent last Christmas without family, it was different, I see he is making an effort but I’m still afraid that he will snap and the old him will be unleashed,” she said.
Nkomo is just one of the many women who have no good memories of the festive season as it brings no joy to their households.
Bombarded with images of the perfect family gathered around the gold baubles of a Christmas tree, it can be easy to forget that Christmas is a time of coercion, punishment and violence for many women. Instead of being a time of the year to be happy or to be grateful, it becomes a time of the year to be on edge.
On top of this, Christmas is often the only time of year that isolated women are around friends and family. This gives rise to the additional angst of hiding injuries from loved ones.
As we enjoy the festive season, which is on its peak, let’s be on the look-out for abusers and extend our support to those who have fallen victim to abuse.
This time can be particularly difficult for them.
Let us not forget that while we are in holiday season, Covid-19 is still a reality and we need to do whatever it takes to stay safe.
Happy holidays. -@andile_tshuma
Online Reporter