Online Reporter
DEAR Tete Joyie:
MY son has always believed that I am his stepdad, but now I want to tell him the truth that I am his biological father.
He is now 27, and I started a relationship with his mother 30 years ago. We were very much in love, and decided to have a baby, even though she was married to somebody else at the time.
We were hoping to be together by the time our baby was born, but she found it hard to hurt her husband, and was still with him, so my son was given her husband’s surname and he believed my boy was his.
She finally found the courage to leave her husband when the baby was nine-months-old, and we got together shortly afterwards.
We were very happy together, but she would never tell him that I was his real father, though I asked her time and time again as he was growing up.
Sadly, our relationship has now broken down and I live alone. I am nearly 60 and my ex is 58.
My son’s wife has had a baby girl. I am a retired policeman and I am considering moving nearer to him to help out with childcare.
I need my son to know that I am his real father. I believe he has a right to know the truth and being his stepdad just does not have the same meaning for our relationship now I am separated from his mother.
I think it is even more important that the truth be known because I am my son’s daughter’s natural grandfather.
If I tell him, though, his mum won’t support me and I am scared he will reject me because of all of the years of lies. The worry of it all is affecting my health. I am having difficulty sleeping, and it is always in my mind. Do I tell the truth and risk losing him? Or not tell the truth and suffer in silence?
Tete Joyie Says:
How does your ex- partner justify not telling her son that you are his father?
Is it that she does not want her son to know she cheated? Or could it be she is not sure who is his biological father?
I know she led you to believe you are the dad, but she also led her ex to believe he was — and they must have been having sex for him to accept that.
Did her ex help maintain her son? Did he keep in contact with him?
Talk to her before you talk to your son. If you can be 100 percent sure that you are his biological father, then I think he deserves to know the truth.
But if there is any doubt, you need to be sure the gain for him is worth the stress of needing DNA tests to know the truth. And, of course, you would need his permission for that.
You are the man who loved and raised your son, so you are already his father in the most important sense of the word.If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous. Late hubby’s past haunts widow
Dear Tete Joyie:
A YEAR ago, my husband died. He was 50, as I am now.
I had not felt up to clearing his things out before. However, I came across an email someone sent us five years ago. It said my husband should tell me about his fling with his team leader at work.
I was very upset, but my husband said it was just an ex causing trouble. He had been staying late because their accounts were being audited. I believed him.
Now that letter has started me thinking again. I have asked a trusted mutual friend who worked with him whether he cheated on me, and she said no, that he adored me.
But my trust has gone and there is a deep rage inside me that keeps me awake every night.
I feel like I hate him and all those good memories were nothing, but lies.
*********************
Tete Joyie Says:
I feel the weight of what you are carrying, and I want you to know that your pain makes sense. Grief is already a storm, and when it is tangled with betrayal, doubt, and unanswered questions, it can feel like you are drowning in waves that just won’t let up.
You gave your husband your trust, your love, your years. And now, you are left with a letter that reopens a wound you thought had closed or maybe one you never got to fully examine. That kind of emotional whiplash can shake the very foundation of your memories. It is, not just about the possibility of infidelity, it is about the rupture of safety, the rewriting of your shared story, and the rage of not knowing what was real.
Here is something I want to offer gently: your feelings of hate, confusion, and sleepless anger don’t mean the love was not real. They mean you are human, and you are trying to make sense of something that may never have a clear answer. You are allowed to feel betrayed. You are allowed to question everything. And you are allowed to mourn, not just the man, but the version of your life you thought you had.
But you are also not alone in this. You have built a life rooted in healing, empowerment, and truth. That strength you pour into your community it lives in you too. Maybe this is a moment to turn some of that compassion inward. To ask: What do I need to feel whole again? What do I want to believe about myself, regardless of what he did or didn’t do?
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
