Daughters-in-law poser

Gibson Mhaka
CUSTOMS and beliefs are part of us. They are, in fact, within us. Every society has customs that are unique to them.

Some, more subtle, others shocking depending, of course on onea��s acculturation. They are unwritten communal codes that simply shape moral behaviour-especially in highly conservative communities.

It is important to note that different tribes in Zimbabwe are sprinkled with a potpourri of customs. It is believed that any attempt to disregard some of them will invite a curse or severe punishment. Times have, however, changed, such that some customs are no longer viewed as an abomination and the mysticism associated with them, appears nothing more than a phantom.

Traditionally, lobola was paid in cattle, a valued commodity in many African cultures, but today many modern couples pay lobola in cash. Lobola is intended to bring together two families, fostering mutual respect. It also indicates that the groom is financially capable of supporting his wife.

Meanwhile, there are some African customs that are still being highly observed, for example among the Shona people there are clear cut boundaries between a father-in-law and daughter-in-law that should never be crossed and failure to observe them is tantamount to abomination and inviting a curse into the family.

A family in New Lobengula suburb in Bulawayo recently pulled a shocker when its daughters-in-law allegedly defied that cultural barrier to care and wash their father-in-law in his time of illness.

Charity Nyathi and Rosemary Mutemeri change their 82-year-old father-in-law Jonathan Mbanjea��s diapers and wash his full body, a thing that their neighbours in New Lobengula suburb in Bulawayo find improper.

Nyathi told B-Metro that by being married to the mana��s son she signed up for every responsibility that the family was faced with. Good or bad ita��s part of what she signed up for.

a�?At first it was difficult but I am now used to it. Although, it is un-African for a woman to bath or clean her father-in-law, I have to because sometimes there will be no one at home to bath or clean him when he messes himself up,a�? she said.

Chief Nhema, whose jurisdiction Mbanjea��s rural area falls under, described the incident as makunakuna, a Shona word literally meaning something which is not expected to ever happen. He, however, said the only route the Mbanje family could take to avoid further misfortune from befalling their family was to appease the two daughters for their bravery of bathing their father-in-law.

a�?Although the parties involved are from my area I never met them to discuss the issues since some of them (Mbanje and Nyathi) are in Bulawayo. This is unheard of and ita��s not part of our culture makunakuna chaiwo.Traditionally such acts invite bad omen not only to the family but to a whole community where it is happening.

a�?On the other hand we should not just rush to condemn them before we get the reasons for their actions. From what they said (daughters-in-law) it is because there will be no one at home to bath or clean him when he messes himself up. But my advice to the Mbanje family is they should appease these women each of them with a beast or more as compensation for the great job they are doing. This is so because failure to do it will invite trouble to the family in the future,a�? he said.

However, it should also be taken into consideration that most members of the family such as Mbanjea��s children and grandchildren work and go to school as such the only people who remain at home are the daughters-in-law.

Another traditional leader, Chief Nemangwe from Gokwe said from a traditionalist perspective the family had morally corrupted the Shona culture and something should be done in appeasement.

a�?Of course we have heard several cases of abomination and some of them I had presided over them but this one is exceptional. That is totally against our culture for a daughter-in-law to bath her father-in-law even though he is not feeling well. What makes the story extraordinary is that the man had children and grandsons and they are the ones who are supposed to do that or they were supposed to look for a health care worker to bath him and pay him or her. To tell you the truth this family has morally corrupted our culture,a�? he said.

There are also others that view the actions of the daughters-in-law as progressive.

a�?People must take into account that culture is not a static feature. Culture by both conscious and unconscious forces, is dynamic and is passed from generation to generation. There is no such thing as a pure culture. Cultures smash through immigration borders, disregarding our notions of geography and race so what these women are doing is not abomination. Theya��re actually doing a great job and are showing that they are a closely knit family who care for everybodya��s sake,a�? observed Prevail Ndlovu, a third-year student at Midlands Sate University majoring in Archeology, Cultural, Heritage and Mesium Studies.

Ndlovua��s words were echoed by Anna Moyo who said she had been a home-based care giver for more than 10 years. Moyo said it was not a taboo that Nyathi and Mutemeri were nursing their father-in-law adding that it was part of their responsibilities as daughters-in-law.

a�?They stated it clearly that they signed up for every responsibility that the family was faced with. Good or bad ita��s part of what they signed up for. From my experience as a home-based care giver that is what we were being told by our trainers that even if the sick person is your mother-in-law or father-in-law you should nurse her or him as it helps to provide hope, comfort and improve his or her quality of life,a�? she said.