Online Reporter
Cuthbert Mavheko, Feature Correspondent
SINCE time immemorial, the institution of marriage has been the glue and cement that holds society together — the pillar on which human development is hinged.
While marriage is meant to be a lifetime union, the staggering escalation of divorce cases in the country now poses a serious threat to the institution.
Media reports show that Zimbabwe has experienced a significant increase in divorce cases, with 3 214 cases recorded in the country in 2024, up from 2 149 in 2023. Experts have attributed the surge to several factors, including financial difficulties, marital infidelity, social media misuse and gender-based violence (GBV).
It is important to stress that from the beginning, God established marriage as the high point of all His physical creation.
God’s desire was and still is, for the institution of marriage to be the cornerstone of society. Happy marriages produce happy families and happy families create a healthy society.
However, most people faced with marital problems, not only in Zimbabwe, but the world over, have accepted divorce as a solution or parachute out of them.
This has bred a situation where family life is falling by the wayside in modern society. The decline and collapse of the family unit is one of the greatest tragedies of our time. Sex outside marriage, cohabitation and divorce have come to be accepted as normal.
The reason for this tragic circumstance, according to some Christian marriage counsellors, is that society is failing to teach people the real purpose and meaning of marriage. As a result, most people are groping around in utter ignorance as to who instituted marriage, its purpose and the spiritual laws governing marital happiness.
It is the considered opinion of this scribe that as a Christian nation, every family must have a code of conduct to live by.
When this code of conduct is adhered to, the family is stabilised. But when it is rejected or trampled upon, the family faces the spectre of collapsing. The code that l am referring to here is the Decalogue, or Ten Commandments, which God gave humanity. The Ten Commandments reveal the laws of life, which bring success, happiness and joy in all human relationships, including marriages.
“The family is a God-ordained institution. It is the first place where we learn the habits of mutual love, tolerance and service. Families are social units, integral to the health and survival of every other social institution,” said one Zimbabwe Assemblies of God Africa (Zaoga) pastor.
“The fibre and backbone of a nation is formed by the families that make up that nation. When the family weakens, the nation suffers and its life and vitality diminish. The nation staggers and eventually collapses. History is replete with fallen nations that ignored the warning signs of decay within its individual families.”
Do happy families exist today, or are they a relic from the past? Are happy families something we only read about in books or see in the movies? In a world of broken homes, is it really possible to have a good marriage?
These are questions that are being asked by many people today. One of the United States’ leading divorce and family law attorneys was once asked why many couples were splitting up.
He said: “Most couples split up because their marriages are not built on the solid foundation of love. Romantic love does not of itself provide all that is needed to sustain a relationship and make it grow. Special personal qualities are crucial for a happy relationship.
“These personal qualities include commitment, sensitivity, generosity, consideration, loyalty, responsibility and trustworthiness. Married couples need to co-operate and be resilient, accepting and forgiving each other when things go wrong. Put simply, they need to be tolerant of each other’s flaws, mistakes and peculiarities.”
At this point, it is important to state that the great Creator gave us His instruction manual, the Holy Bible, as our guideline. In its pages are clearly defined guidelines for marriage and parenting. God established immutable spiritual laws that, if obeyed, produce happiness and joy in marriage.
Successful marriages are not miraculously arranged in Heaven.
We must not be blind to this reality: No marriage is perfect. We live on this earth as imperfect and sinful human beings in a sin-filled environment. We must, therefore, involve God in choosing our marital partners and put our faith and trust in Him in order to build successful marriages.
If we follow Biblical guidelines and obey God, we can be assured of this — that God will never abandon or forsake us. He expects us to continue to grow and overcome the trials and tribulations of this life and learn from what we suffer.
If we let God’s Word be our guiding light, we will overcome all our suffering and through them, we will be able to empathise with and comfort others, who are also toiling.
Couples, who enter into marriage thinking there will be no problems, or those who do not build their marriages on a solid foundation of God’s laws, are the ones most likely to find themselves facing severe challenges and divorce.
It is important to state that when you get married, you enter a special institution of learning that was designed by God. You will never stop growing as a couple, and what you learn along the way will help you to build a successful marriage.
Indeed, it is quite disquieting to note that in marriage many people make the big mistake of failing to express appreciation for the good qualities of their mates. Even good marriages can slowly sour and die, because husbands and wives do not recognise the good qualities in their mates and tend to focus more on the negative ones.
But in order to have a stable, long-lasting marriage, couples should prioritise the good qualities of their marital partners.
I am reminded of a former workmate and bosom friend of mine, whose mortal journey came to an impromptu end in December last year, just a few days after we had celebrated his 73rd birthday.
He used to tell me that he held his wife in high esteem. Whenever she departed for Shurugwi to take care of their rural home, he always thought of her in the most positive way he could.
When he woke up in the morning, he thought of all the nice things that she had that he admired most — her beauty, her concern for the welfare of others, her character and the way she loved their children.
It is not that his wife did not have traits that he did not like. He just would not allow himself to think about her negative traits. In fact, he presented her to himself as though she had no spot, wrinkle or blemish.
Sadly, though, he passed away before their 50th wedding anniversary. However, up to the time of his death, my bosom friend still talked about how much he loved and missed his wife.
One Botswana-based psychologist and marriage counsellor said: “In the book of Genesis, God describes the purposes he had in mind in creating us male and female.
“If we are ever going to find the answer to happy marriages, we must be willing to accept instruction from the great God of creation, the one who created the marriage institution. What is lacking in most marriages all over the world is love.
“Many people do not really understand what true love is. They think love is a feeling of excitement for someone of the opposite sex. What they appear not to realise — is that real love is not that exciting feeling of physical attraction.”
The marriage counsellor added that true love in a marriage means prioritising your partner’s well-being above your own feelings. If you treat your partner with dignity, he or she is more likely to respect you in return.
A healthy marriage is built on mutual respect, trust and a deep understanding of each other’s roles. He stressed that each partner should appreciate the other’s contributions and together, they should work towards building a strong and joyful relationship. This doesn’t happen by chance; it requires effort, commitment and a foundation of true love.
“A healthy, loving husband-wife relationship is not a master-slave relationship. It is a sharing, complimenting relationship, where each mate recognises the God-ordained role of the other and contributes his or her talents and energies for the good of their marriage,” he said.
I repeat what I said in a previous article — true love is the way of giving, sharing, helping, uplifting, being humble, constructive and encouraging.
It is the opposite of the way of pride, adultery, selfishness, hurting others and being unforgiving.
These are Satan’s ways and attitudes. They produce evil and suffering in human lives and marriages. Husbands and wives should learn to admit and confess wrongdoing to their mates. They should wholeheartedly seek God’s forgiveness and help to express right attitudes and actions in their marriages.
Married couples should obey God’s living laws of marital happiness, and express appreciation to each other. They should honour and respect each other, in addition to being merciful, forgiving, helpful and constructive. They should live as a team, each respecting the other’s God-given role.
“My wife and I now attend the same church — Seventh Day Adventist Church.
“A few years ago, l did not belong to any church. Without her influence, l would not be a member of this church — a church whose teachings are based solely on the Holy Bible. If my wife had not persuaded me to join this church, l would not be the husband l am or the father that I am today,” said Elder Donald Moyo, a Gweru-based member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.
“In fact, I would not be anything that I am today without her. I thank God for using my wife to get through to me and help me to join the SDA Church. This has helped me to start viewing things from a spiritual perspective and make the necessary adjustments in my life, which helped to transform our marriage into a bed of roses.”
Christian marriage counsellors agree that in order to have a successful marriage, a husband and his wife must pray together regularly, and ask God to give them the spiritual strength to faithfully endure Satan’s evil machinations. Yes, endurance is bitter, but its reward is sweet.
“When couples face marital problems in their homes, they should put their faith and trust in God. If they allow Jesus Christ to replenish them daily with His boundless grace and sustaining strength, they will not be disappointed.
“Jesus Christ himself, while he dwelt among men, was often in a prayerful mood. He found comfort and joy in communion with his father. And, if our redeemer, the Son of God, felt the need of prayer, how much more should feeble, sinful mortals feel the necessity of fervent, constant prayer,” said a marriage counsellor in the Gwabalanda United Methodist Church.
Cuthbert Mavheko is a freelance writer and theologian contactable on 0773963448/0775522095. Email: [email protected].
Bongani Ndlovu