tawandamusarurwa
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
I AM a 32-year-old woman. I have been dating the same man for the past six years. Each time I mention marriage to him, he gets offended and says he will tell me when he is ready. He is 34 and has a child from a previous relationship.
I spoke to a friend who eloped some time back and is now officially married and she advised me to do the same.
I moved to my boyfriend’s two-bedroomed apartment but he ordered me to go back home, saying he had no plans dzekubika mapoto. It has been a week and I cannot believe what I am going through.
He has moved to the other bedroom and does not eat what I cook or talk to me. I called my aunt and she advised me to hang on because she thinks he will change his mind and accept me as his wife.
I miss home and now feel very uncomfortable. We are both degreed and gainfully employed. Amai, what is your take on this one?
Response
My first question to you is: Where is your pride? Why are you so desperate for marriage? A big red flag is that this guy gets offended when you talk about marriage and he has repeatedly told you that he is not ready. To make matters worse, he has moved out of his official bedroom because he does not want to share the space with you.
You do not need to be a rocket scientist to decipher that you are not in his plans. Please, wake up, smell the coffee and do not impose yourself on him.
It is not guaranteed that what worked for your friend will work for you. Go back home and forget about this guy because his behaviour shows that he has no love and respect for you. Wait for God’s time and everything will fall into place. I would be happy to hear from you again.
********************
Desperate to move out
I am a middle-aged married woman. I have two young boys. We are tenants in the ghetto, where we occupy two rooms and share the passage and the rest of the house with two other families. The problem we are facing is we are the only ones with kids who need to be protected.
The other people are usually scantily dressed when relaxing and even when they visit the toilet.
The other couple fights a lot and the language they use leaves a lot to be desired. We asked the landlord if he could rein in the other tenants but he said all he is interested in are rentals, not character. My husband says I am too particular about life in general. I am distressed. Please, assist.
Response
Thank you very much for writing in. I commend you for showing concern over the environment the kids are being brought up in. It is good to be particular because life is about good choices.
From your communication, I can tell that the place is not conducive for the proper upbringing of children. A place where people walk semi-naked and use bad language is dreadful. I think the best thing you can do is to look for alternative accommodation. You can also help engage people from organisations that deal with children’s welfare to convince your husband to leave your current lodgings. Staying where you are is not an option in the long run. I would be happy to hear from you again.
********************
Fiancé is an alcoholic
Dear Amai, how are you? I am a 26-year-old guy and I am dating a pretty 24-year-old girl. If things work out in our favour, we will get married next year.
We get on well and we are both independent and self-sufficient. The only problem I have is that the girl drinks too much. I never used to drink alcoholic beverages.
She is the one who introduced me to them. Where I struggle to finish two drinks, she can easily down six. When we go partying, she is the one who drives back because I get intoxicated quickly.
From my observation, this habit is getting worse. When I tell her to go easy on alcohol, she tells me not to worry because she never gets drunk. She has a very high alcohol tolerance. I have not told my family about this but I know they will not take it lightly if they get wind of this.
Response
Hello writer, I am well and thank you for writing in. Your letter made my reading very sad. You sound as if you have a big problem on your hands.
She may very well be an alcoholic. If this goes unchecked, it will greatly compromise her health, work and reasoning capacity.
She definitely needs professional help urgently since you are saying she is getting worse.
You also need to go for premarital counselling before you decide to get married. If you truly love her, you need to stand by her side while she gets help. I encourage you to replace alcoholic beverages with healthy fruit juices and to drink plenty of water, instead, whenever you are together. It is also your duty to talk her out of this habit. Please, keep me posted on the progress you make.
Feedback: [email protected]; 0771415474
Online Reporter