Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
A question posed by a dear friend in a discussion about my favourite topic, love — left me at a loss for words — a rare thing I must say. I remember just gazing blankly, as she posed her multi-faceted question that some of us never want to address: “HOW do I know how can I tell if someone is capable of carrying my heart well and handle every season of life with me?”
She was not talking about romantic gestures or shared hobbies. She meant emotional safety — someone who could hold her dreams in their hands without crushing them, someone who would not shut down or ‘lose it’ when the going gets tough, someone emotionally fit.
But do we ever really know? Can one ever tell?
That conversation stayed with me. Because emotional fitness is really not glamorous or always shouting. It rarely trends on social media as one’s best quality. But it determines whether love heals or ruins a whole life.
Scripture reminds us: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23 (NIV). Guarding it, as I have often raised in this column, does not mean building walls. I reckon it involves choosing partners who are emotionally equipped to honour the sacredness of love, connection and commitment.
This week, we explore emotional wellbeing in relationships — not as a luxury, but as a necessary foundation. And yes, it can be cultivated. It can be tested. It can be healed.
Love should not just feel good — but should also grow and mature beautifully. For couples willing to make that happen, to experience this kind of love, it is something chinoyemurika, you become the envy of many. But it does not just happen on its own, it must be deliberate.
If you think about it, in a world obsessed with outward appearances and status updates, we sometimes overlook the role of emotional fitness, and yet it stands pretty much as the true foundation of thriving relationships. Just as physical health affects how we show up in our partnerships, emotional wellbeing determines whether our love stands the test of time.
People go through changes, but with emotional fitness, the journey can be a learning curve with fulfilling results.
My discussion with my friend got me thinking and researching on what emotional fitness really is and what it entails, why it matters, and how we all can identify it both in ourselves and in those we choose to love. As much as one would want a partner with emotional fitness, we also have a responsibility to build up our own emotional fitness for our partner to experience peace and the beauty of love.
So what is emotional fitness?
A quick research with AI tools for a wider view, showed that emotional fitness refers to “an individual’s ability to understand, manage, and express their emotions constructively — especially in high-stakes situations like conflict, change, or vulnerability.”
It also includes several key aspects that I could not resist sharing, such as emotional stability, emotional intelligence, emotional resilience and self awareness. The more I read on these, the more I realised how central emotional fitness is to all areas of our lives — how it can affect not only our romantic relationships but all relationships — including in the workplace, on social platforms and just within ourselves.
A simplified look at these aspects can be put this way — see what you can add to these. I would also love to hear how you think you fair in any of them:
Emotional stability can be seen in one’s consistency in emotional responses; ability to remain calm under stress. This quality prevents drama-driven cycles and helps build trust and safety.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) on the other hand may be identified in how an individual recognises, understands, and manages their emotions — and others people’s emotion. The quality encourages empathy, communication, and healthy conflict resolution.
Emotional resilience shows in bouncing back from setbacks or emotional pain and it helps to keep relationships growing despite inevitable challenges
Self-Awareness involves understanding your emotional triggers and patterns. This enables personal responsibility instead of blame-shifting that we sometimes see.
Emotional stability in a life partner
Emotional stability is one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship success. But what does it look like in real life?
They can handle disagreements without stonewalling, exploding, or shutting down.
Their moods are not extreme or unpredictable — they have, “baseline calm.” Variko zvakadaro. It is possible.
They do not blame others impulsively for their feelings.
In stressful times, they seek solutions rather than spiraling into helplessness.
Green flags:
Calm response to unexpected changes
Willingness to talk things through (even tough topics)
Accountability for their emotions and behaviour
Red flags:
Frequent emotional outbursts (rage, tears, threats)
Passive-aggressive communication
Mood instability that disrupts daily functioning
Emotional intelligence in marriage
It is about deep attunement — to yourself and your significant other. It goes beyond ‘being nice.’ In marriage, it is the difference between a power struggle and a partnership.
Key signs your partner has healthy EQ:
They listen with presence and curiosity, not just waiting to speak.
They can name their emotions accurately (eg, “I’m disappointed,” not just “I’m fine”).
They notice when you are upset — even when you are quiet.
They apologise sincerely and seek to repair.
Low EQ red flags: – Inability to empathise with your feelings
Poor communication during conflict (defensiveness, dismissal, blame)
No awareness of their emotional impact on others, kana kukendenga futi
Can emotional intelligence be learned?
Ndakabvunza-bvunzawo. Ànd yes it can. Like muscles, emotional skills grow through intention and practice. Some ways to ‘train’ yourself:
Reflect regularly on emotional responses (journaling, therapy, etc.)
Practice active listening — resisting the urge to fix or interrupt
Build emotional vocabulary to better name feelings
Seek feedback from trusted friends or mentors
Feedback: Whatsapp/SMS:+263719102572/Email: lainanaledimakuzha@ gmail.com
Àlthough there are free and accessible assessment tools nowadays, I believe real growth comes from consistent real-life reflection and action.
Testing your own emotional fitness
Ask yourself:
How do I respond when someone disagrees with me?
Can I express uncomfortable emotions in healthy ways?
Do I own my mistakes — especially when they affect someone I love?
Am I emotionally available, not just physically present?
In love, we often prioritise chemistry. But character and emotional fitness is what sustains intimacy through seasons of joy, grief, growth, and change.
Whether you are single, dating, or married, emotional wellbeing is never static. It can be cultivated, healed, and refined.
So do not beat yourself if you are not there yet. And in a world where brokenness often goes unspoken, doing the emotional work is the most radical kind of love there is for yourself and for your partner.
Let us keep the conversation going, let me know your views on this topic and if you have assessed yourself.
Feedback:
Whatsapp/SMS:+263719102572
Email: [email protected]
