Evaluate your associations

Arthur Marara Motivation for success
“Good company and good discourse are the sinews of virtue” [Izaak Walton]. It is better to have no friends at all than to have a thousand friends who do not add value to you. Our success in life is also dependent on the associations that we create and sustain in life. Associations can either build you or destroy you. Certain business started because of associations, other businesses were liquidated because of associations. Other people destroyed their marriages because of the associations they created or became part of. The instances are many. This week we are going to share some thoughts about the importance of association, friendship, and partnership whatever you may want to call it. Evaluation is a critical component of assessing where you are going with your life. Interrogate your choice of friends. You can do this by asking yourself some common sense questions. Fortunately, Jim Rohn put across the questions in an interesting way, “You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: is that okay?” Great people understand the importance and power of healthy associations. A number of parents are always particular about the people who are around their children.

This is because they know that a child can have alien behaviour which they never had before merely because of association. This is still the same for adults, associations can affect you; positively or negatively.

The story of the four lepers

A story is often told about four leprous men in Ancient Israel. Eugene Peterson puts it in an interesting way; “It happened that four lepers were sitting just outside the city gate. They said to one another, “What are we doing sitting here at death’s door? If we enter the famine-struck city we’ll die; if we stay here we’ll die. So let’s take our chances in the camp of Aram and throw ourselves on their mercy.

If they receive us we’ll live, if they kill us we’ll die. We’ve got nothing to lose.””(MSG) (2 Kings 7:3-4). Leprosy then was considered a curse and those who were affected by it were treated as outcasts. Four people found themselves in this scenario, a friendship ensued, but it later birthed inspirational actions because of what they decided to do. In particular, they opened their minds.

Have friends who desire better things

Desist from associations that tolerate mediocrity. The greatest impediment to a better tomorrow is the satisfaction of today. People who are contended with the status quo will never hunger for change in their life. The four lepers became sick and tired of the status quo and made a decision to challenge it, ““Why are we sitting here until we die?” (NKJV) (2 Kings 7:3). If you circle yourself with people who do not feel the need for development in their own lives, they will never inspire you to develop your own life. If you hang around four broke people, you will be number five. “We acquire the characteristics of the people we associate with on a steady basis.” [Zig Ziglar].The four lepers were able to realise the need to take action in order to change the course of their lives. They were not afraid to take action, and they were ready to take risks. Why not surround yourself with people who inspire you to take positive risks?

Surround yourself with people who add value to you

“Surround yourself with people of like mind and different talents and temperaments with the purpose of serving the goals of every member of the group. Associate with these people on a regular basis” (Jeff Olson). People, who do not add value to you, take away value from you.

What are you learning from the people who are in your circles? How better is your knowledge about business, by interacting with the people you are interacting with? This question can be extended to any area of your life. You can never succeed in your marriage if you surround yourself with people who have no respect marriage, you can never love your spouse if you surround yourself with people who do not value their spouses. Have people in your circle who value what you value and respect what you respect. Do not be tolerant and patient with any relationship that is not taking you anywhere. Take a bold step in your life and leave certain people. “The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people” (Unknown). Sometimes in life, subtraction is as healthy as multiplication. What value are you friends adding to you?

Surround yourself with people who believe in you

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great” (Mark Twain). A number of ideas died and continue to die at the hands of friends who chose not to believe their friends’ dreams.

Life is too short to spend it with the “wrong” people. You do not need people who tolerate you, you need people who celebrate you. One of the constant source of discouragement in life is people who are close to us, and we sometimes call friends. Be careful who you allow to hear your dreams, it is not everyone who cares about it. Go to people who can help you think, and stretch your idea, and help you find ways of making it come true.

Have people who give you constructive criticism

“The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.” [George Bernard Shaw]. Great friends are not afraid to tell you the truth; they love you so much that they make your success their own. The challenge today is that we have friends who celebrate their friends to destruction.

A number of people have been celebrated for their adulterous escapades rather than be corrected. There are some people who are even celebrated by their friends for their corrupt behaviour and none of them is prepared to correct them. You need friendships that value the truth rather than feelings. In the long run, it is the truth that will protect your feelings. Be prepared to listen to positive criticism and not just praises. Norman Vincent Pearle once noted that a lot of people prefer to be ruined by praise rather than preserved by criticism.

Let me leave you with a thought which you can ponder upon during the week, “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence; true friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.” [George Washington]

NB: Join me on Star FM on Wednesdays (09:30am-10:00am) for some moments of inspiration on the Breeze with Tariro and Iyati.

Arthur Marara is an Attorney, Author and Speaker. He is also the author of the Personal Development Toolkit, Keys to Financial Freedom, The Power Within, and Keys to Effective Time Management.

Send your feedback to [email protected] or Like his page on Facebook, or Whatsapp: +263 718 867 255 or visit www.arthurmarara.com .