Online Reporter
Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube, [email protected]
BUILDING a skyscraper is akin to creating a monumental work of art; it requires not only vision and creativity but also a sturdy foundation, meticulously designed to support the immense weight and height of the structure.
The foundation must be deep and robust, often extending several storeys below the surface, utilising advanced engineering techniques to securely anchor the building against the forces of nature, including wind and seismic activity.
This intricate process involves a careful assessment of soil quality and geological conditions, as builders must ensure that the materials used can withstand the pressures exerted by the towering edifice above.
Furthermore, incorporating elements such as reinforced concrete or steel piles can significantly enhance stability, allowing for the bold architectural designs that define modern skylines while ensuring safety and longevity. Ultimately, a skyscraper without a deep and well-executed foundation is akin to a castle built on sand, destined to crumble under its ambition.
Many marriages are experiencing breakdowns due to weak foundations established before or after their formation. The initial months of marriage, particularly involving two people from different backgrounds, can be critical and present challenges that threaten the stability of the young family unit.
The struggle to align values, expectations and communication styles during this formative period can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, highlighting the importance of building a strong partnership, rooted in mutual support and understanding.
Addressing these challenges early on is crucial for fostering resilience and longevity in the marriage.
In response to this challenge, I created a preventative premarital plan,which I call the journey to a happy marriage premarital counselling programme. As boys transition to manhood, they must master certain things and cherish specific values. This plan is built on five values I want to share.
Healing
Many individuals enter marriage carrying emotional wounds from their family of origin, their socialisation experiences and various life events.
These unresolved issues can result in emotional pain that tends to manifest in their relationships, leading partners to inadvertently hurt one another.
Recognising this dynamic, I strongly emphasise the healing process for everyone involved in this journey.
Acknowledging and addressing past traumas is crucial to fostering a healthier marriage and creating a supportive environment for growth and recovery.
Hope
The key ingredient that facilitates healing for everyone is hope. Hope plays a crucial role in maintaining emotional well-being and resilience. Without hope, individuals often experience frustration, which can escalate into feelings of despair and anxiety.
This emotional turmoil has far-reaching impacts, particularly affecting family dynamics, potentially leading to a collapse of the home environment. In essence, fostering hope is essential for overall healing and stability in our lives.
Happiness
There is more to the expression of happiness in marriage than serendipity or random events. Instead, it calls for several intentional steps as well as a shared commitment to address the complex issues that arise in marriage.
This process includes keeping the lines of communication open, maintaining respect for one another, and having a shared willingness to change and adapt together as conditions change.
Couples can cultivate a lasting sense of happiness and fulfilment in their connection by actively participating in their marriage and facing challenges together, which will increase the stability and resilience of the relationship.
Honesty
The need for honesty when entering a relationship cannot be overemphasised. Hiding specific issues about oneself is a recipe for divorce.
When those things emerge, they will disappoint the other partner, who has loved blindly.
They say, “Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.” However, openness is unconditional love leaping out to embrace the next person without any deceit.
I always encourage my clients to be truthful because the journey to a happy marriage premarital counselling programme becomes faulty when they are not. The information provided is used for both coaching and the relationship.
Humility
To foster mutual understanding, embracing the concept of carrying “one another’s burdens” is essential, as articulated in Galatians 6 verse 2. Such an approach reflects a profound sense of humility, which is fundamentally incompatible with machoism.
The latter promotes a hierarchical view of gender roles, relegating women to positions of inferiority and objectification. Conversely, humility embodies a recognition of and sensitivity to the emotions and perspectives of others. It esteems the viewpoints of individuals, advocating for their dignity rather than trampling on them in a misguided quest for superiority.
In this light, humility is a crucial attribute that facilitates genuine interpersonal relationships and mutual respect.
If young men, who are getting married carry these values into married life, marriages will last longer and be sweeter. A strong foundation is needed for such an endeavour.
Marriage is still a good thing and can still be made into a good thing. There is hope for families in the 21st century. I have seen young people, who pass through this programme enjoying what I call skyscraper marriages.
Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube is a chaplain, counsellor, marriage coach and founder of Shunem Care, a ministry to the involuntarily childless and emotionally wounded. He has published several articles on spiritual care, mental health, chaplaincy and involuntary childlessness
