admin
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
Here’s hoping all had a restful International Workers’ Day on Wednesday.
As for me, it’s been an overwhelming week with a lot to process in a world where headlines scream of abuse, betrayal, and heartache — because it’s easy to lose sight of hope.
This week, as I sifted through stories of pain and joy, defeat and triumph— they were a lot — and I realised more than ever, that relationships are both fragile and resilient.
They can shatter under the weight of jealousy and insecurity or flourish when built on trust and open communication.
Today, let’s explore the shadows cast by jealous spouses and the path toward healing and peace.
The jealous spouse
Jealousy, like a venomous serpent, slithers into relationships, poisoning hearts and minds.
We’ve all encountered the tale — the wife who scrolls through her husband’s phone, scrutinising every message, questioning every source, or the husband who interrogates his wife about her male colleagues or her boss or work related trips and assignments.
These actions stem from fear — fear of losing love, fear of betrayal, fear of inadequacy.
In some cases it turns out to be a cry for help, a display of a deeper rooted unresolved issue from that individual’s past experiences.
But here’s the truth — Jealousy doesn’t protect love; it corrodes it, it compromises it.
It makes one a bit of a nuisance the way I see it, all that nagging and harassing steals your peace in the home. When we act out of insecurity, we inadvertently spill our private struggles into the public domain.
Just hear me out.
The other woman, or the other man becomes a pawn in our emotional chess game, and our homes echo with accusations and tears.
Where’s the victory and the love in that scenario?
Building trust brick by brick, it’s actually possible!
Here’s how:
Open Communication: I can’t emphasise enough how trust thrives in the fertile soil of honest conversation. Instead of playing detective, please sit down with your partner if possible — at least make the effort.
I’m aware that some spouses don’t believe in sitting down to talk, they just won’t give it the time of day. But given the chance, do share your fears, your past wounds, and your hopes.
Let vulnerability bridge the gap between suspicion and understanding. And if you are the accused, suspected or “harassed” partner, don’t go on a “revenge” path to validate the accusations or “fix” your partner.
Uku kunenge kwaakutorasikawo, you just worsen the rift. I suggest instead, remain true and transparent as much as possible, you might be of a different view of course.
But I reckon: Let your partner see for themselves how true you are to them and that your interactions with other human beings doesn’t mean your spouse will lose you.
It goes back to the attachment styles we discussed last week.
Deal with the past to heal from it: Insecurity often stems from old scars. Perhaps you’ve been hurt before, and those wounds still ache.
Acknowledge them, but don’t let them dictate and ruin your present. Your spouse isn’t your ex; give them the benefit of the doubt, give them a chance to prove their love.
Avoid provocation: Calling the other woman or man, or the suspected “love interest”, isn’t necessarily what will yield the desired results, I’ve known of instances where it escalates tension and pushes the partner away. Address the issue directly with your spouse instead.
Be assertive and realistic, not aggressive.
Is your spouse really not going to have friends at work and must they live in fear of you, looking over their shoulder everyday?
Come on, is that love or trying to control someone? I suggest seeking amicable resolution, not revenge or manipulation.
Assurance matters: Men, listen up. Your words and actions matter. Be sensitive about the time you give to your friends and circles that your wife is not in.
Reassure your wife of her place in your heart. Show her she’s cherished.
Women seem to have this gift of a “gut feeling”, which can sometimes really have ground, but is also often dead wrong, an absolute misfiring resulting from fear.
So rather than taking “gut feeling” as “fact”, my dear sisters, remind your spouse that he’s your safe harbour and you want to build trust continually.
Agree on what would constitute trust or building of trust in your relationship. Zvinosiyana in each relationship.
Agree on where you draw the line between safe space and deal breakers.
In my view, trust isn’t a one-time deposit; it’s a daily investment.
A plea for our children
Beyond the confines of our relationships lies a greater responsibility — the protection of our children.
The news stories of abused minors weigh heavily on my heart and our collective conscience, no doubt.
Children aren’t just our present — they’re our legacy and future. Abusers twist young minds, leaving scars that last a lifetime. Let’s be guardians, not betrayers. Our duty is to nurture, not harm.
We are stewards of these little ones, and sometimes how we handle them creates little angels that flourish, or monsters that also grow to terrorise society and their families.
Experts are ever advising us all to do our part. If you suspect abuse, act swiftly. Report it, support the victims, and break the cycle.
Community support: Communities must rally around vulnerable children. Schools, neighbours, and extended families — all play a role,we can’t just look the other way.
Let’s create safe spaces where children can run when trust is shattered at home.
Ending the madness: Abusers, listen: It’s not too late to do the right thing. You’re stealing innocence, crushing dreams, and altering destinies.
When tempted, “choose the right”.
Stop.
Seek help
Break free from the madness.
Abuse is harmful, it’s not normal to lust after a child — whether yours or anyone’s child.
It’s not God’s way, nor His plan for you.
No-one is insignificant in God’s purpose for humanity. Our children deserve better, they deserve safety, total wellness, love and a brilliant future.
As I pen this article, my heart bleeds for traumatised, violated children and those whose innocence has been distorted.
But I choose hope. Hope that as society, we can all do more, open our eyes more and care that much more. What affects one, affects us all, one way or another.
I also hope that jealous spouses will this week choose healing conversations instead of confrontations, and that trust will blossom in homes, banishing shadows and avoidable squabbles.
Homes are “burning” with more serious issues, children are in some cases in trouble and neglected, while we play detective over our partners, which can be likened to looking for a needle in a haystack — or while we brew a storm in teacup, out of jealousy.
My invitation to you is, let’s be architects of love, constructing bridges over chasms of doubt.
And in this fragile world, may our homes resonate with non-judgemental, constructive dialogue, forgiveness, and peace and may our children grow in safety, with sound minds unmarred by cruelty.
Let’s keep the conversation going.
Exchange of views, ideas and experiences is never futile, it’s one way of helping one another grow and do better in our relationships.
Any thoughts, views or experiences relating to this week’s topic are welcome.
Feedback:Whatsapp:+263719102572/Email: [email protected]
Online Reporter