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Hazel Marimbiza
IT was only when Gertrude Phiri was nearly killed by her abusive husband that she decided to break up with him and press charges at Western Commonage Court.
They were introduced by friends just after Valentine’s Day in 2018. Just months after their first date, Phiri ignored the doubts of her parents and married the man she called her “prince”. As they drove to the hotel afterwards she told him it was one of the happiest moments of her life. But the happiness didn’t last long.
From the start there were things that troubled her about her new husband. He kept telling her how to behave.
“From wearing make-up, to wearing high heels, to how I looked, how I’d speak, how I’d conduct myself,” said Phiri.
“He used to tell me, despite my degree, and he even used to point his finger at my head and say, for someone with such intellect, you know, I am stupid. I started to doubt myself and question myself, and that was just the beginning,” she added.
For a long time Phiri tried to shrug things off, making excuses for him and focusing on the things she loved: the times he looked after her and was kind and charming, the occasions when he would take her out, buy her chocolates and fix things in the house.
Once the violence started, it was harder to ignore. The first time was a few months before the Covid-19 lockdown after he persuaded her to go out with friends. She returned to find traces of what looked like drugs on the floor. She demanded an explanation and he exploded.
“He slapped me very, very hard and then he got hold of my mouth and told me to shut up.
“I ran to the next room, and the next morning he apologised and said he didn’t mean to do it, he’d never do it again and how sorry he was for it. He said it was because of me, because I was screaming and shouting, and it was just to keep me quiet so that the neighbours wouldn’t hear. That was the first hit.”
Phiri would try to hide the bruises with long sleeves and scarves, but it was harder to hide the shame. When she got really scared she would call her aunt, who would come and try to solve issues between them.
Her husband had made her believe that she couldn’t live without him.
“Your self-worth and your self-esteem are so low that you believe everything that they say,” she said.
Phiri’s neighbour warned her one day that she would end up in hospital. Days later when the lockdown began her words came true, when he kicked and stamped on Phiri’ s body with such force that he damaged her spinal cord, punctured a lung and broke her ribs. As she lay injured, he shouted that he had had enough of her and she needed to shut up.
Phiri survived thanks to neighbours who came to her rescue and surgeons who carried out surgery on her damaged vertebrae through an incision in her neck. She suffers from permanent spinal cord damage and has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.
This time she realised she had to leave him.
Phiri hopes that other victims do not suffer in the way that she has, and urges them to save themselves by taking action at an earlier stage than she did.
“It doesn’t start with the physical, it starts with the psychological. I didn’t know that this was abuse, not until I nearly died — and then I got the help that I so desperately needed. And so, on the psychological level, if they can get out, then get out. I’m speaking out to hopefully help or save one person and/or their children,” she said.
Phiri’s experience of abuse is a textbook case of serious, high-risk domestic abuse which many other women suffer in silence.
While Zimbabwe recently joined the rest of the world in marking the 16 Days of Activism against GBV, GBV cases escalated this year mostly due to the Covid-19 lockdown, hence women have been urged to leave abusive relationships while it’s still early.
Musasa Project director Precious Taru said between March 30 when the lockdown began and April 9, her organisation received 764 gender-based violence cases (GBV) across all its platforms.
“This is a spike in terms of GBV cases reported,” she said. “In a month, Musasa normally records 500 to 600 cases. But so far we have recorded more numbers in a short space of 11 days than we normally do in a month.
It may be hard but we urge women to look out for signs of abuse early in the relationship and have the courage to leave the relationship so that they don’t suffer much in the long run.”
Taru says a number of drivers were fuelling GBV during the lockdown.
These include issues to do with economic insecurity and poverty related stress, coping strategies that households are taking, the disproportionate burden of care, issues to do with unemployment, insecurity over salary or wages that will come at the end of the month.
According to Musasa Project, the national GBV hotline recorded 5 306 calls from the beginning of the lockdown on March 30 until October 7.
This represents an increase of about 60 percent compared to the pre-lockdown trends. About 94 percent of the calls were from women.
Shamwari yeMwanasikana director Ekenia Chifamba said so far, her organisation had received nine cases of violence against women and girls during the Covid-19 period.
Of note, three of the cases involve sexual abuse and one physical abuse. Sadly, two of the cases involve child marriages.
“This shows that GBV is not going to wait until the lockdown is over,” said Chifamba.
“There are also cases of women confined to environments where before the lockdown, domestic violence cases were on the increase. Imagine these women spending the majority of time with their husbands. A lot of issues will be coming up, making the women more vulnerable,” she said.
With many women having been victims of GBV due to challenges brought by Covid-19, there is a need for them to have safe shelters which are usually not enough, a scenario which results in them keeping quiet and opting to stay with the abuser.
Online Reporter