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Q: I’m getting married this summer. I’m entering the stage now when I need to think about clothing—the part I’ve been looking forward to the most, naturally. The luxurious new suit I’ll be enjoying on the big day is my main concern, of course, but there’s another consideration: what about my groomsmen? I’ve enlisted the services of four of my closest friends to join my side for the big day, and now it’s time to deal with the look of the ensemble. What are the rules? Who ought to wear what, and how strictly, and why? There’s a lot at stake: not only the style at the core of my ceremony, but the wallets of the guys I’ve asked to help. Surely there must be a way to please everyone, honour tradition, save money, and look good.
Answer
1. Is matching necessary?
It used to generally be agreed upon that the bride and groom would set a sartorial theme and the grooms men would follow it. At its simplest, this meant a clutch of handsome finery: tuxedos all around, rented for the night and returned the next morning, with maybe a few matching accoutrements to set the whole thing off. The trouble is that if you want your wedding party to march out in a distinguished wash of royal blue, you’re effectively asking your friends to drop hundreds of dollars on a new blue suit—unless they just happen to have a blue suit that precisely matches the shade you had in mind. That’s quite a demand, particularly in this economy. But is it necessary? Nope.
2. Give the grooms men choices
You might offer some advice about the general look and feel of the night you have planned. Your guys can show up wearing matching ties or matching pocket squares, or you can set a vague theme—classic British menswear, for example—and have everyone shape their outfit around it. Your groomsmen will have the option to buy a suit to accord with your ideas if they have the money to spare, but will be able to show up in whatever suit they have in their closet already if they don’t. Most guys will have a plain grey or navy suit versatile enough to fit the occasion, and if they lack even that, they probably know they’ll have to ante up and get one this time (and it will come in handy next time someone weds). The fact that your groomsmen will be wearing all sorts of different suits isn’t even a faux pas: apparently mismatched groomsmen is the latest trend.
3. Set basic standards (and Choose Shoes)
Some demands on your groomsmen’s wardrobe are more reasonable. They should, of course, be expected to wear a suit that fits well and is in good condition, not a ratty thing they’ve had hung in the back of their closet since prom. And while black shoes are not a necessity—gray suits might be better served by light brown brogues—they are the safest bet in terms of convenience, as just about any man over the age of twenty will have a clean pair of black dress shoes at home. It would be a stretch to ask for anything more specific. You may like the idea of groomsmen in matching chocolate double-monks, and striking that would no doubt be, but insisting that your friends spend that kind of money on a pair of shoes they might not even want is a good way to alienate even your most affluent buddies.
4. Approach themes with caution
It’s become popular in recent years for couples to choose a broader theme or concept for their wedding entire, making everything Victorian or inspired by the roaring twenties. (There’s been a spike in Great Gatsby-themed weddings since the film version came out, embraced by people who have presumably missed the point of the novel.) If such a theme has been imposed upon your ceremony it’s only right that you clear the idea and what it means with the grooms men you’ve invited. If a 1920s wedding calls for your grooms men to wear a double-breasted white suit they may wish to decline. But generally these sorts of things can be accommodated easily enough: any basic suit can be dressed up in match a style with a few inexpensive trimmings. Just remember to keep the sanity of your friends in mind. — esquire.com
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