Online Reporter
DEAR Amai, I hope you are enjoying the New Year. I have learnt a lot from this column, where truth and advice are given honestly and without bias.
I will not say much about my life because I want to get straight to the issue that ruined our holiday. We had planned a Christmas getaway with our friends. It was meant to be a few couples and their children, and all the necessary payments had already been made. However, my husband’s sister (tete) arrived uninvited with her four children on Christmas Day. My husband explained to her that we could not change our plans at such short notice. This led to a heated confrontation, after which he drove her and the children back to the bus stop. He even offered her some money for Christmas, but she refused. Now, his side of the family is blaming me for this fallout. What could we have done differently? We eventually spent Christmas with our friends and their children and had a good time, but the issue still weighs heavily on me.
Response
Compliments of the season, and thank you for reaching out. Your letter made me sad, it shows how some family members can unnecessarily stir up problems. Your sister-in-law made no arrangements with you in advance, so she has no one to blame, but herself. You had planned your Christmas well ahead of time and that should have been respected. It is unfortunate that your husband’s family is now blaming you for the disagreement. Remain calm and refer anyone who wishes to discuss the matter directly to your husband. Allow emotions to settle and when things have cooled down, your husband should call for a family meeting to resolve the matter once and for all. You are family and despite disagreements, you still need one another. If one trip caused a rift in the family what’s to say another cannot fix things? I hope tete also reflects on her actions.
Boyfriend duped me
Dear Amai. I am a 26-year-old woman and I have been dating the same man for three years. He is 27. My boyfriend promised that he would give me an engagement ring on Christmas Day. We invited friends and family to witness this important step in our lives. To cut a long story short, he instead gave me a promise ring. I felt cheated because these rings have very different meanings. Had I known this would happen, we could have made the occasion private. Some people thought it was simply a mix-up of terms, but he insisted that he knew exactly what he was doing and that he had not yet reached the engagement stage. I am heartbroken and feel humiliated. My sister even travelled all the way from Egypt for this. I love him deeply, but I no longer trust him, and I intend to give the ring back. Please help me, Amai. I am very confused.
Response
Greetings dear writer. You are not thinking clearly at the moment. The contradiction is that you love him, but you do not trust him. Love and trust go hand in hand; you cannot separate the two. I am sorry about what you went through. Promise rings and engagement rings are completely different in meaning, like cheese and chalk. For now, the best thing you can do is to seek professional counselling to map a way forward. Discuss the difference you and your partner have in terms of readiness to walk down the aisle and what this means for the future of this relationship. In future try not to always involve family and friends to witness certain milestones unless you are absolutely convinced things will not go wrong. I wish you all the best as you reflect and decide on your next steps.
I feel like I’m on the run
Dear Amai, happy holidays. I feel like a prisoner on the run. I borrowed money from a dear friend. He had set it aside for school fees. In truth, I lied. I pretended that my mother was ill so that he would give me the money. I promised to pay him back before schools reopened. The truth is, I do not have the money, and I do not know how to explain this to him. Please, Amai, if you can help me, I would be grateful. I will repay the money in a week when I sell my vegetables. I am very desperate.
Response 3
Dear writer, season’s greetings. Faking your own mother’s illness is not only wrong, but shows a lack of conscience. How could you do that to a dear friend? Now you are jeopardising their child’s access to education. Your actions show a lack of honesty and consideration. I am sorry, but I cannot help you because you are not sincere. If you have a plan to sell vegetables, then follow through with it and repay your friend. Continuing on this path shows a lack of honour, and if you do not change, you may find yourself in serious trouble or even prison. Take this as a warning and make amends while you still can.
